What hurts in the past hurts in the future
by Schreiberin44
Summary: Sam and Jules just told the team that Jules is pregnant when they have to go to a hot call. Sam is forced to take a shot he never wanted to take again. He is shocked and hurt and about to loose it on the rooftop. It needs all of Jules strength to fix him again. Jules, Sam! A little dark and angsty and Sam WHUMP! Chapter 17...ready for answers?
1. Chapter 1

Hey Guys!

First of all, I live in Germany and English isn't my fist language. Please be patient if there are any mistakes. I do my very best. :o)

The story is set in the future...hope you like it!

**Chapter 1 – Don't make me do it!**

„Guys we have to tell you something…." it was just four hours ago that she and Sam had been sitting around with the guys during the briefing. Just four hours ago they had been the happiest people on earth telling the team that Jules was pregnant. She was just eight weeks along but they had to tell the team because Jules was immediately on light duty, it should be her last call out with the team.

"Team 1 hot call."

It was Winnies voice which had brought them back to reality. The cheering, laughing and joking about little Braddock-Callaghan or little Callaghan-Braddock had stopped immediately as they where heading for the trucks.

"Winnie, we need some information here.", the Boss said about the lack of information. They were heading to the scene completely blind by now.  
"Okay I just spoke to the 911 caller. A woman is threatening a man with a gun at Burton Plaza. She fired one shot in the air."

"Okay you heard Winnie. Spike with the Boss, Raf with me, no deadly weapons. Sam Sierra One. Get yourself a good shot. Jules you are with Sam." Ed introduced while everyone jumped out of the truck immediately.  
Sam took the riffle out of Jules hands as soon as she had grabbed it.

"No heavy lifting, you forgot about that?"

"Sam!"

"Julianna.", Sam said getting a light slap from Jules on his biceps.

"What? Just saying. Come on, let's get us a good position."

Sam and Jules got to the roof in no time. Sam settled his riffle down and got onto his stomach to get a good look on the subject.

"Ed, Boss!", it was the sound of Sam's voice that got everybody alert.

"What is it Sam?", the Greg asked.

"I got the solution but the woman is highly pregnant."

"What?" Ed barked into his comm. link. He had never got Sam into the Sierra position if he had known about this earlier.

"Sam you stand down.", Ed continued.

"Eddie. Sam hold fire until my command.", Greg said.

"Copy that." Sam's voice was calm as usual while Jules was watching the woman trough her binoculars.

"Wind is changing to north west." Jules informed Sam. She knew that he didn't need her assistance up here but she was glad that Ed made this call.

She could see the woman escalating further and she could hear the Boss in her ear begging her to think about the unborn child but there was something else she recognized. It was Sam's heavy breathing from underneath her. It nearly felt irregular and she knew that Sam was loosing it.

"Come on. Get the weapon down. Don't make me do it! Don't make me do it!", his begging getting Jules to frown.  
She had never been with him when he was in the sierra position. She had only seen him first when he was guided down by the SIU.  
His breathing was getting even more unsteady and she knew that she had to do something. "Sam.", she said in a calm voice. On the ground the Boss was slowly closing his eyes. He had heard Sam's begging two and he knew that Ed had. They also recognized his breathing.

Jules wanted to touch Sam. Support him but she knew that his body was fully alert and that she couldn't touch him in this state.  
Sam recognized Jules soft voice and tried to calm himself down immediately.

"Sniper breathing." Jules helped him trough the state of panic he just got in. He didn't want to take this shot. He couldn't kill a pregnant woman. In particular he couldn't kill the unborn and completely innocent child in her belly, not again.

"Scorpio." He heard the words echo in his ears. Jules stepped back a little closing her eyes while the sound of the shot filled the air.  
Sam watched through his scope as the woman was falling face first to the ground. He let go of the riffle and got to his feet in no second. The first thing he saw was his Jules, tears building in her eyes but he couldn't concentrate on her. He had lost the ability of his sniper breathing and was now dealing with the sick feeling in his gut. He tried to calm himself by walking around the roof a few times getting his arms over his head while he could feel Jules eyes never leaving him.

Jules was shocked. Shocked about the fact that they had to end the call like this but also shocked about Sams reaction. She couldn't say how his normal reaction after a shot was. She never had thought about it. When he came down with SIU his face was always calm and blank without any emotions. Sure at home he wouldn't eat and at night it was always difficult for him to get some sleep but that was all far away from his reaction right now. Jules got even more scared as Sam stumbled towards a wall getting everything out of his gut. He was throwing up violently, his fist clenching on the wall for support. His breathing was irregular and as he turned around to face Jules his face was pale as a ghost. He was trembling, not only his hands, his whole body was. He stumbled forwards and it was Jules who got him before he was about to fall over.  
She gently dropped him to the ground watching his lifeless body in shock.

"Sam!", she screamed before getting her comm. working.

"Officer down. We need EMS immediately. I repeat we nee EMS immediately." Jules nearly screamed as she was turning Sam to his back.

"Talk to me! Sam! Hey.", she tried to wake him without any success.

"Sam, Jules, status! What's going on?", the Boss asked within a second.

"Sam collapsed. He is unconscious."

"I'm on my way." It was Ed. Jules could hear his footsteps bouncing into the ground through the comm. link.

Sam slowly turned his head to the side just to see his beautiful Jules kneeling over him. He could feel the hard floor and his body armour pressing against his ribs.

"Sam?", Jules voice echoed through his head. Something was wrong. She was dressed in her SRU uniform as well.

"Can you hear me? Sam please talk to me!" There where tears in her eyes.  
Sam exhaled deeply. He could taste the smell of vomit making him feeling sick again immediately. He couldn't get it together. He was on the roof with Jules, his pregnant Jules and there was this woman. Sam winced as the memories hit him back. He had killed that innocent child.

"Shhhh….it's going to be okay. Tell me what hurts." Jules voice was still as calm as possible She had heard Sam wincing and even if she knew that he had to be okay physically he had winced in pain.  
"'m good." Sam mumbled. He could feel his head hurting. The pain from inside was just too much. He had shot this innocent child. Pictures of the little boy in Afghanistan hit him. His whole body was not willing to deal with this situation. He had been trough so much he couldn't get through killing this innocent baby.

"What's going on?", it was Ed's voice and Sam looked at him as Ed was getting over him his face full of concern.

"I'm..."

"Don't tell me you're good buddy. Is EMS on the way?" Ed asked while Sam could feel Jules hand on his face.  
He tried to get into a sitting position but Jules and Ed forced him to lay down again.

"I tell you I'm good." Sam tried again while Jules kept brushing his face.

"You passed out Sam.", she explained getting Sam to look at her confused. Why should he pass out?

The door to the rooftop opened again and the next thing Sam realises is Steve looking at him closely. With all the paramedics in the whole city, why Steve?

"Sam? Can you hear me buddy?"

"Yes, loud and clear. I tell you guys I am good."

"Does anything hurt? Any pain"

"No."

Not physically.

"Do you feel light headed?"

"A little." Steve got his flashlight out of his jacket controlling Sam's reactions.

After finishing Sam looked up at Jules who was standing close to them. Ed had wrapped an arm protectively around her.

"You were with him when he passed out?", Steve asked getting Jules to nod slowly.

"He had thrown up and his whole body was trembling before he crushed down."

"Did he hit anything?"

"No, I got him in time."

"I want you to come to the hospital with me. We need to get you checked."

"No way Steve. I tell you I'm good.", Sam said again turning his head to the side just a little to see Jules. He had killed the woman. He had killed this baby. Afghanistan. The boy. His sister. How was he supposed to get this happy family? His own little perfect family? It was just too much by now.

"That is not a point we are discussing. You are going to the hospital and get checked out!" Ed started but was interrupted by Sam who got to his feet with light assistance from Steve.

"I am going to face the SIU now. The job isn't done yet."

"Sam!", Jules voice was begging.

"I promise you that we will go to he hospital if I am not feeling good this evening. By now I can just promise you that I am good."

"Eddie, what's going on up there?", Greg asked. They had all turned out the comm.. link to give Sam some privacy but the Boss had to know that his family was going to be alright. It was Sam who turned his microphone on first.

"Boss I'm good."

"Sam! You gave us quite a scare here buddy."

"I know. Serge you can send SIU up here now. I am ready."

"Don't you need to get checked out in an ER?"

"Yes he does but is refusing it." Ed answered before Sam could talk to the Boss.

"I just promised that I will go to the hospital this evening if I am not feeling good."

"You sure about that? SIU isn't going to be easy today.", Greg asked again.

"Positive."

"Okay. SIU is on their way up. Ed, Jules you know the procedure."

….to be continued!

Please tell me what you think and leave a comment so I know if I should post another comment.


	2. Better or worse

WOW! First of all I have to tell you that I am really amazed by all the reviews I got. Thank you so so much for that.

And then there was this comment from 88rulz18drulz who I completely proud call my beta reader now! A really really big THANK YOU to you! I am still amazed how much you are helping me. I hope you liked the chapter? I am going to send you chapter 3 soon :o)  
You did a damn great job. I didn't find any grammar mistakes anymore ;o) (just joking, I wouldn't find them if you where pointing them in my face :o) English grammar is so difficult. THANK YOU SO MUCH!

So here is the new chapter and I hope to get your reviews so I know that I should continue. Normally I just wanted to write a one shot...now I am planing on chapter 3,4... thanks to you guys.

So now have fun reading and PLEASE leave a comment.

**Chapter 2 – Better or worse**

It took SIU nearly four hours before Sam was all clear. By that time he didn't have any energy left. His eyes dropped as the officers were taking him back to the HQ.

Sam could feel the worried look of Greg on him but he was too tired and too exhausted to keep his eyes open. He wouldn't sleep. Not now, not tonight and maybe not tomorrow, he just needed to close his eyes and shut his surroundings out a little before passing out again as he did today.

As the car came to a stop in front of the HQ Sam opened his door slowly and took a deep breath. He still felt violently sick and the whole time, talking and repeating the situation in his head over and over again, had done the rest. Sam got the rest of his stomach content out of his system into the trash can right in front of the HQ. He could hear the fast steps of the Sergeant heading towards him. He didn't say a word until Sam turned around to face him.

"Come on. Let us go inside." The Boss said in a low voice. He didn't say anything as Sam stumbled a little, he just put an arm around his left arm to support him. Sam didn't protest. He knew that he had to keep himself together until he got home. Throwing up and nearly fainting in front of the Boss wasn't helping to prevent him to go to the hospital.

"Will you tell me what's going on?" Greg asked as they waited for the elevator. Sam couldn't remember if he had ever taken the elevator before now, but right now he didn't have the strength to take the stairs.

"It's nothing."

"You passed out today. You have thrown up twice, you are pale as a ghost…."

"I know and I promise you that it will be alright. I just need to go home."

"What about the hospital?"

"Sarge, please, I promise that I am good."

"Fine. I will give you a ride home after I talked to Jules on the phone."

"No! I don't want her to worry even more. She needs rest."

"I'm sorry Sam but I can't prevent you from this one. I had to promise her twice."

Sam let himself slit down in one of the chairs in the briefing room. He closed his eyes again leaning his head against the cold metal of the chair.

"Sarge? How is he? Is everything okay?" Jules asked through the phone.

"I can assure you that SIU went good. Sam is all cleared but I am really worried. He's throwing up again and I think he is extremely light headed. I had to support him to get to the briefing room safely."

"What?" Sarge could hear the panic in her voice.

"He doesn't want to go to the hospital. I said that I will talk to you first before I drive him home."

"Get him here. I will take him to the hospital." Jules demanded.

"Copy that."

"Sam, we're heading home." The Sergeant said while Sam got to his feet painfully slow.

The walk to the car was as slow as Sam was to get out of the chair, but sooner or later, they got there.  
"How long have you felt down?" Greg asked as he pulled out of the parking lot.

"I'm not feeling down. I promise you I am not ill and I am not getting ill."

"Don't make promises you can't keep."

"It was just too much today."

As they stopped in front of the house Sarge jumped out of the car as he saw the confused look on Sam's face.

"I am not going to fall over, I promise." Sam said while Greg just nodded and got back into the driver's seat.

Sarge waved to Jules, who had just opened the door, before he drove away. In the mirror he could see that Sam made it to the house in one piece.

"Hey." Jules said as she wrapped her arms around her completely exhausted fiancée. She had never seen him like this before.

"Sarge told me you didn't feel any better."

"No."

Jules nodded silently and guided Sam directly to the couch. She had placed a glass of coke on the table for him. She knew that he wanted a beer right now, maybe he even needed one but they had their agreement. They would never drink after such a call.

Sam grabbed the glass while Jules closed her eyes as she could see how much he was shaking.

"You promised something on the rooftop today." Jules reminded him softly.

"I don't need to go to the hospital." Sam answered exhaling deeply.

"I think something is really wrong. You have to think about me and the baby. If you are not feeling good you have to take care!"

Sam looked up at Jules who was standing right next to him. Her arms crossed in front of her breast. Even if she was just eight weeks along Sam could see the very little belly and breathed in deeply. How was he supposed to take care of this little baby? He had lost so many people, he had killed so many people…

Sam brushed his hands over his face before he looked at Jules again.

"There is no physical problem."

"Okay, so what's going on then?"

"I promise you that I will talk to you about it, but not right now. I am really exhausted."

"Like you promised to go to the hospital today?"

"Jules, don't go there."

"Okay let's take a quick swap of point of view here. What would you think and do if you were on a rooftop with me, seeing me throwing up and collapsing. What would you do?"

"I have seen you throwing up every morning for the last seven weeks."

"Sam you know what I mean!"

"Yeah maybe you are right but I am heading to bed now. Shift starts in seven hours."

"You are going to work tomorrow?"

"Of course. SIU got me the all clear so there is no reason why I shouldn't go."

"I don't think Ed or Sarge will be good with that."

"We have a free spot in the truck tomorrow. Oh no! I missed the end of your last call." Sam said regretfully.

"You had something else to deal with and it actually wasn't my last call today."

"Wait, what? What are you talking about?"

"The chief talked to Ed when you and the Boss were at SIU. I will have to stay for a little while longer but just in the truck."

"Jules you are pregnant. There is no way that you will go on a hot call for at least nine months!"

"Sam I am in the truck. I promise. I will not leave it until the situation is secured AND I talked to Dr. Stewart today. She said that it's okay as long as I stay safe."

Sam nodded slowly and got to his feet again, taking Jules hand for support.

"Will you talk to me when you're ready?" She asked again getting a small nod from Sam as an answer.

Jules watched him from her side of the bed as Sam came out of the bathroom. He had showered long but didn't look any better as he walked into their bedroom. Something was bothering him more than ever before.

During all their years together Jules had learned to accept that Sam was full of secrets and she knew that she can't imagine what he went through in Afghanistan. Not only with killing his best friend but with the thing he went through in the field. He never talked about it but Jules knew that he had horrible dreams about it.

Sometimes at night she could hear him mumbling. He had never had a quiet sleep. Not a single night they shared together. When it was really bad she could hear him run to the bathroom at night throwing up and dealing with whatever bad demons from the past had hunted him.

She asked him, every time it happened, but he always assured her that everything was going to be okay and that she shouldn't worry. He had it under control.

Jules sighed deeply. She knew that it was becoming worse and today he had been through hell and back. He had killed this woman and this unborn baby.

Sam slipped into his side of the bed, giving her a quick kiss before turning away. Jules knew that he didn't want to feel her near after such a horrible day. They had found their way to get along after all these tough calls, but today she really needed to feel him and make sure he was going to be okay. She slipped over to his bedside getting Sam to turn around and face her.

"You mind?" She asked getting a soft smile from Sam.  
"Why would I ever mind? Come here."

He took her into his warm embrace and Jules closed her eyes slowly. She knew that they would not get much sleep tonight. Sam never slept after taking the sierra shot.  
Tonight it was even worse. In the middle of the night she could hear Sam throwing up again. She didn't follow him to the bathroom. She knew that he didn't want her there. She just waited patiently for him to return to bed but he never came.

As Jules alarm went off the next morning, there was no sign of Sam in the bed. Jules got to her feet immediately and stormed to the bathroom. Morning sickness as usual. But today it was not like all the seven weeks before. Normally Sam was kneeling behind her. Holding her hair back, rubbing her back and telling her that their baby would be the healthiest and prettiest baby on earth and that he would never let anything happen to them.

As Jules went downstairs she found a quick note that Sam was out for a run. It had to be a good sign if he felt up to take a run this morning. So he had to feel better. Jules learned that she was wrong as Sam entered the house again. Even if it was cold outside there was no dry spot on his shirt. His face was as pale as yesterday and the dark circles under his eyes made him look old and sick.

"Morning beautiful." He said giving her a quick kiss on her cheek. He was completely out of breath.

"Good morning. Did you get any sleep last night?"

"No I couldn't miss Oprah on TV."

"Sam!"

"You know how it works after a hot call. It's nothing unusual."

"You've thrown up again?"

"Oh damn! I missed the morning sickness. I'm sorry. Are you okay?"

"We are not talking about me here."

"I'm good. I will take a quick shower and then we can head to HQ."

"Sam you need to eat something." Sam just shrugged and went upstairs.

Sam could tell that all eyes were on him as he entered the dressing room.

"I thought you were going to take a sick day today." Spike said immediately.

"I'm not sick so there is no need for a sick day."

"Man you needed EMS yesterday you remember that. What did the doctors say?"

"Didn't see any doctors."

"Stretch your hands out." Ed said strictly as Sam followed his orders. His hands where perfectly still and he never let go of Ed's eyes which were staring at him in return.

"Did you eat something and sleep probably?"

"I'm fit for the job."

"What would Jules tell us if we ask her?" Greg asked back.

"I don't want you to…."

"Team One – hot call!"

"Damn it! That's early." Spike said hurrying to put on his gear as well as Sam.  
Ed exchanged a quick look with the Sergeant. They know that they couldn't let Sam out of this one. Jules had to stay in the truck no matter what so they had already one spot that needed to be filled.

….to be continued!


	3. Remember how to breath

Hello everyone!

First of all have you seen the trailer fpr 5x02 on youtube?

I just watched it and I am still not trusting my eyes...THIS is the episode I have waited for since Flashpoint started...just WOW! And now that I live in Germany I have no idea when I will be able to watch this epiosde...:o(

Okay enough of that.

With help of my lovely beta reader Tayler the new chapter is up. Again a big THANK YOU!

Also a big thank you for your comments! Hope to get some more for this chapter!

I also hope you are prepaired for some action! Normaly I had a completely other plan for this story...I hope you will like how this chapter turned out.

PLEASE leave a comment. Otherwise I can't know what you are thinking or what you wish where the story should be heading.

And don't be to mad at me for the evil cliffhanger :o)

**Chapter 3 - Remember How To Breathe**

Jules was used to Sam talking the whole ride to the scene. Normally he was planning the tactics with Ed. Today Sam was completely busy by driving the SUV.

Ed recognized the silence in Sam's comm link as well and he wouldn't bother him. Sam's eyes and his whole body language had told him, along with everybody else, enough.

"Guys you heard Winnie. An armed man in the supermarket. According to the costumer he is looking for Jefferson Scott, who is the shop owner. Jules you find out everything we can about the shop and this Jefferson guy. Look at fired employees and all other related things. Spike we need eyes in there. I think this shop has cameras so get us the pictures as soon as possible. Raf you're Sierra."

"Me?" Raf asked, his expression and voice full of surprise and sharing a look with Spike who was sitting next to him.

"Didn't I just say that? Sam you're with me." Jules watched Sam discreetly from the side. His face wasn't showing any emotions.

"Copy that." he answered dryly.

Deep inside Jules was thankful. She knew that Sam can't cope with taking a Sierra shot today. Not physically and not emotionally. As they stopped their vehicles in front of the scene Sam signaled Jules to turn out the microphone. Jules looked at him surprised but does as he wants.

"Do you have anything with sugar? Maybe some dextrose?" Sam asked holding out a shaky hand, then continued, "My blood pressure is really low I think."

"Sam! You have to stand down. You can't handle this call."

"I have to, okay? I'll be with Ed, you heard that. I promise you I'll take care but the Team needs me and you know that. I know that I am not up to it but we can't switch positions Jules. I can't be in the truck and you know that." Jules nodded slowly handing him some dextrose she always had caring since a hot call many years ago where she had needed it.

Sam and Jules got their microphones back on before climbing out of the SUV.

"What's taking you so long? We're on a call!" Ed said immediately while watching Sam closely.

"I'm not feeling that great." Sam answered honestly. His team leader must know that he wasn't up to the test.

"Can you handle it?"

"I sure am trying. Jules gave me some dextrose." Sam murmured, never meeting Ed's eyes.

"Damn it Sam!" Ed said in frustration. It was too late to call Team 4, they had to go in there, had to clear the situation now.

Jules handed Sam his MP5 while looking straight into his sad blue eyes.

"Promise me you'll be careful."

"Always am." Sam answered with a small smile while getting into action.

"Guys Video is on your PDA's now." Spike said while Jules entered the truck.

"Okay. Still a single gunman and, what I can see from here…6 hostages. Do we have any sound?"

"No sound, sorry boss." Spike answered while the Boss tried to reach the gunman but no one answered the phone. Greg tried again without any success.

"Spike can you get me into the shops speaker system. I need to talk to the subject."

"On it Boss."

Sam and Ed made their way to the back entrance of the shop. Raf had just confirmed that he was in a good Sierra position and had the front of the shop contained.

Jules was giving her best to find out something about Jefferson Scott or any ID on the armed subject. Then Jules did a double take as she looked at her screen again, confused.

"I don't get it. We have an ID on the armed man. It's Jefferson Scott."

"What?" Ed asked, looking at Sam in full confusion. Greg stepped a little closer to the screen. Jefferson Scott had just started to cry bitter tears.

"Spike what about getting into the speaker system?"

"I'm on it Boss. You should be able to talk to him right…about…now."

"Jefferson Scott?" Greg started while he could see the guy on the video turning around.

"Jefferson, this is Sergeant Gregory Parker from the Strategic Response Unit. We are trying to understand the situation in there so you really need to answer the phone so we can talk about everything and you can help me to understand what is going on okay? I am calling you again now. Please pick up the phone so we can talk." Greg said and could see the stress in Jefferson's face. He had even started to cry more and rubbed his hands through his hair and face.

The phone rang again and Jefferson answered it slowly.

"Jefferson Scott? Hey, this is Sergeant Parker. Jefferson how are you?"

"I am so sorry..."

"You have nothing to be sorry for right now. Just tell me what is going on and I will try to help you. Maybe we can figure something out together."

"They made me do this. I don't want to. I have harmed nobody. Everyone in here is all good and OK. I promise you that I didn't want to do it." Jefferson was now mercilessly sobbing into the phone.

"Who made you do this Jefferson? Maybe I can help you with that?"

"They told me that they will kill Anny and the kids."

Jules started to type the new information into her computer immediately.

"Anny is his wife. They live at 35 Park Avenue. The kids are Terry and James Scott. 2 and 5 years old."

"Spike, I want you and Sam to go to the house and look if anything is going on there." Ed said while giving Sam a nod who headed towards Spike.

"Boss, if Jefferson is escalating we have to go in there."

"I know Eddy. I'm on my way. Jules watch Jefferson's body language closely and try to find out something more about the family." Greg said while taking his MP5 and leaving the truck.

Sam and Spike made it to the house in no time. It was just a three minute drive away from the shop. "Okay nice and slowly. You go around left, I am right. Hopefully we will get a better look." Sam said running the tactics.

"Spike, Sam, maximum caution. We don't know what's going on there."

"Copy that Boss." Spike and Sam answered almost robotically at the same time.

Sam was slowly walking around the right side of the house as he and Spike had agreed before. He was highly alert now. Adrenaline was rushing through his veins. There was no more feeling of mental pain, he wasn't tired anymore, and he wasn't even feeling sick at the moment. He turned around the corner of the house and made eye contact with Spike who was nodding towards him. There was a big front of windows behind the house giving a perfectly wonderful view to the beautiful garden. For Sam and Spike it just meant that there was no way through the garden without being seen from the inside. Sam looked around a little bit to get a better visual of the inside. What he could see made his stomach turn around. The two kids had their faces pressed against the window, Anny was covering them from behind.

Sam couldn't see anything else but was absolutely sure by the scene that somebody was threatening them.

"Boss we have a huge problem here!"

"Talk to me Sam."

"I have visual of Anny and the kids. They're pressed against a large window facing the garden. We have no visual on the subject but..." Jules heart stopped pounding as she could hear shots fired.

"Sam, Spike Status."

"All good but the situation is escalating. We have to go in there now."

"It's too dangerous Sam."

"I know but we have an active shooter and three civilians. Spike?"

"We have to go in there boss. We're going in there now." Spike agreed.

Sam and Spike made their way to the front door where they exchanged a quick lock. They knew that they were stepping in their completely blind, and that was always risky in itself, but with the kids involved there was no other option for them.

"Door isn't looked. We are going in." Sam said while Jules put a hand on her belly instinctively. She knew she had to stay calm and focused, but she was worried to death. She felt like she couldn't breath as she heard the shots trough her comm link.

"Spike Sam, talk to me!" the Boss, who was returning to the truck, shouted into the mic.

"SRU! Drop it. Drop your gun or we will have to shoot you!" It was Sam's clear voice giving Jules time to exhale. He was okay. More shots rang through their ears and Jules felt her heart stop as she heard Spikes voice.

"Officer down! Sam has been hit. We need EMS and backup here immediately!" Greg turned around to face Jules She still had one hand pressed on her belly, her other hands was now pressed over her mouth while tears where slowly starting to roll down her cheeks. They could hear Spike yelling for Sam but there was no answer.

"Boss I can't reach him. One of the subjects took one of the kids, the other subjects are down. The man is on the run, I'm following. I can't check on Sam. He's down Boss. I saw him catch a few bullets in front of this kid."

"Keep following them Spike but be careful. We will take care of Sam."

Jules was on her feet in a second.

"What do you think you are doing?"

"Sam..." Jules just said while Greg exhaled deeply rubbing his head.

"Be careful." There was no other opportunity. He had to talk to Jefferson. They needed to go after the subject and the kid but Greg couldn't leave the scene right now. Team four was almost here for their backup.

…...

The last thing Sam could remember in all of this chaos, was one of the subjects pointing the gun at the little boy. He couldn't let this happen again. He knew that he had to do something. Firing the shot wouldn't have stopped the man from shooting. Muscle spasms left a huge risk that he would pull the trigger anyway- shot by Sam's gun or not.

So Sam ran.

He ran and the next thing he remembered was that all the air was forced to leave his lungs. Pain was immediately flooding throughout his whole body. He couldn't remember how to breathe, he couldn't even think. The cool pavement made him black out as soon as he touched it. He could only see Jules with the belly of the woman he had shot yesterday. That was when his world went black.

…...Jules jumped out of her SUV as soon as she was in front of the house. There was still no contact with Sam. Not a single word.

Jules was shaking violently as she entered the house, her gun raised. They didn't know how many subjects had been in the house and if they got them all. She stepped over a lifeless body in the hallway and though about the fact that maybe Sam had killed this man but right after that she thought about the fact that there was a high possibility that she would find Sam in the same state.

As she rounded the corner she immediately stopped her movement. In the corner of the room a crying woman was holding her crying child. It had to be Anny and her youngest son.

"Anny I am Jules from the SRU! Everything is going to be all right. You're going to be OK. We won't let anything happen to you." Jules said automatically all she could focus on was the absolutely still body of Sam lying on the ground just a few feet away. Jules took a shaky breath before she headed to him, dropping to her knees just beside him.

….to be continued!

You want to know what's coming next...please leave a comment :o)


	4. Locked Memories

Hey guys!

Sorry for the lack of updates! I was at the Northsea from my work and the Hotel I was staying in had no internet. But here I am again with a new chapter.

First of all THANK YOU SO MUCH! I was beyond happy because of all the reviews, followers, favs...you guys make me really proud and inspired me for many more chapters :o)  
I hope you keep up reviwing...I would love that...you can't imagine how much it means to me!

Please also give a warm thank you to my beta reader Tayler...she was really sick during the week...thank you sooooo much and hope you are alright!

Last but not least: WHAT AN EPISODE! I wrote this story BEFORE (!) the start of Season 5. Sam and the connection to this kid. Protecting a kid even if it means to step into the line of fire. Sam telling the team to not shot the father of this boy... I really knew this story :o)

So now Chapter 4! HAVE FUN and please leave a review.

**Chapter 4 - Locked memories**

"Sam." Jules whispered, touching his neck to find a pulse.

"Boss he's alive. He's unconscious but his pulse is good." Jules words made all of her Team members exhale deeply.

"What about the gunshot wounds?" Boss asked. Jules opened Sam's vest carefully. Until now she couldn't see any blood which was normally a good sign but there was the occasional bad time.

"They're in the vest. He took five bullets but he's okay. They are all in the vest!" Jules nearly yelled as she searched Sam's body for other wounds. The parts on Sam's body where the bullets had hit the vest where already turning purple. Jules head shot up as Sam slowly started shifting wincing in pain immediately.

"Sam. Hey. Shhhh...Stay calm! You're going to be fine." Jules assured him while Sam's eyes where meeting hers. He was completely disorientated.

"Jules?" His voice was raw.

"You got shot Sam but the bullets are in the vest. You are going to be okay." Jules said again, kissing his lips gently before she looked at his body again. She touched the marks carefully getting Sam to shout out in pain.

"I know, I know, I'm so sorry. I have to check if you have broken ribs… which I can now confirm." Jules said lightly, trying to embrace the situation as lightly as she could. Sam was alive, she was alive, there child was alive.

Sam was alive.

Sam closed his eyes and tried to focus on breathing. The pain was giving him a really hard time. He couldn't inhale deeply and tried his best to cope with the lack of oxygen. He knew that he couldn't panic now so he focused on Jules again.

"I think..." Sam began taking in another low breath.

"Are you having any trouble breathing?" Jules asked in horror as she recognized Sam struggling. She bended over Sam carefully to check on his breathing sound.

"The lung's good."

"Cracked sternum." Sam said while Jules looked at his bruised body closely.

"I think so." Jules agreed, her voice shaking. She looked up at Sam just to see that he had closed his eyes again.

"You have to stay with me. I am checking your heart sound now. I promise you, I will be careful." Jules explained as she laid her head on Sam's blank breast. If he had really broken his sternum his heart could have getting injured as well. She breathed out in relief as she could hear the healthy and steady beating.

"Your heart, it's okay." she said looking up at Sam who had just recognized Anny and her son in the corner of the room. He tried to sit up immediately but screamed in pain again.

"What do you think you are doing?" Jules asked in shock helping him to settle down again.

"The boy. Where is the other boy? He...he was right behind me."

"One of the subjects took him. Spike is in pursuit ride now. You saved him Sam. He wasn't harmed." Jules said, guiding Sam to the ground, holding his back in her bony but strong fingertips.

"Thank god!" Sam was closing his eyes again. Jules recognized he was getting weaker. She knew that he needed something for the pain. She could see the tremors going through his body.

"Sarge where is EMS? We have an officer down here!" Jules said while Mrs. Scott and her son where slowly getting to their feet.

"You have to save my son. They...they took my son. You...you have to help him." the woman cried, begging.

"Ma'am we are already working on that and we really need your help. Just sit down for a few minutes longer, okay?" Jules assured with her voice low.

"Sam how are you holding up buddy?" Sarge asked and Jules knew that his question didn't mean anything good.

"Cracked some ribs and my sternum. Trouble breathing."Sam answered with a shaky voice.

"Unfortunately EMS will take a few minutes longer until they can get to you. There is a really big accident in the middle of the city. All roads are blocked."

"It's okay. Jules is heading towards you with Mrs. Scott." Sam said breathing in again really low.

"Sam!" Jules protested.

"Any news about Spike? "Sam tried to focus on something else.

"I'm right here buddy. You scared the shit out of me. Never eat some bullets right in front of me again. You hear that?"

"Can't promise anything. How is the pursuit going?"

"Team 4 is with me now. Everything under control. Nothing for you to worry about. I don't want to get bad news when I come to the hospital later. You hear me? You know that your sister is going to give me a hard time when she hears that I witnessed you getting shot."

"Yeah." Sam just answered closing his eyes in pain.

"Sam." Jules said softly while Sam focused on her again.

"Get Mrs. Scott to the shop."

"I am not leaving you here."

"The life of six civilians is at risk Jules. Priority of life. I am good." Sam tried to assure her.

"You are far away from that and we both know it."

"We can stay in contact over the comm. link. I promise you not to pass out again." Jules watched Sam silently. She knew that he was acting cool. She knew that during his time in the military he had learned to overplay the pain. He had learned to control his body. To not show weakness. She also know that Sam was completely right. They had two hostage situations she had to bring Mrs. Scott to the Boss.

"I love you." Jules said leaning down to give Sam a quick kiss.

"You keep talking to me! "She continued.

"I promise."

Sam was lost in a blurry of memories. He was back in Afghanistan but also back on his way with his baby sister on his hand to go and visit the park. The little boy with his automatic weapon was standing right in front of him and his sister was looking up at him with her sparkling blue eyes. Sam didn't want his mind to go there. He had locked this memory's deep down in his soul. The little boy was looking straight into his eyes now and his baby sister was flying through the air like she had gotten wings. The shot was ringing thorugh his ears like it just happened.

And Sam screamed out in pain.

He wanted to lock it down again. He just couldn't go through it again but the pain was not allowing him to think straight. Everyone in the team stopped in their motion as they heard Sam's painful scream.

"Sam!" Ed, Sam, Jules and Spike said into the comm link.

"Sam talk to me! You promised to talk to me. Sam!" Jules begged him getting Sam out of his blurry memory and back to reality. The pain had sucked him into this painful world of memories. Physical pain had become emotional pain. Just like on the rooftop but there it was the emotional pain that had left him collapsing and wincing.

"I'm...I'm here." Sam said getting Jules just to relax a little. She exchanged a look with the Sergeant who nodded in agreement. Jules just stepped to the side a little beginning to talk softly.

"Sam I want you to remember the last ultrasound. The little popcorn." Jules said getting Sam to smile.

"Popcorn. How is baby popcorn?" Sam breathed out, struggling, but breathing none-the-less

"Baby popcorn is good I think. Maybe as scared as I am because of daddy. You have to focus on the baby Sam. Can you do that? Just stay with me and focus on popcorn."

"Yeah. I can do that I think." Sam said while he could hear footsteps behind him.

"Constable Braddock?" Jules could hear the voice as well and was exhaling full of relief.

"I'm here." Sam called out.

"I love you Sam. I'll see you at the hospital, I promise." Jules said before turning around heading to the Boss again.

"Popcorn? Really guys." Ed asked to wash away a bit of tension.

"Shut up Ed!"

It took them about two hours until Spike and Team 4 had the subject in custody. The boy was unharmed and Spike was glad as he could be as he reunited him with his mother and younger brother safely. The Boss got them on the shop speakers due to the fact that Jefferson Scott had stopped talking to the Police many hours ago. As soon as Jefferson heard his family Ed was able to secure the weapon and clear the situation.

Jules was going to the hospital immediately and still in SRU gear, and the whole Team was with her as she stormed into the ER.

"I am looking for Constable Sam Braddock. He was brought in here earlier." Jules demanded impatiently at the information desk.

"Constable Braddock is still in the MRT."

"MRT?" Jules asked confused.

"I can't tell you anything. Please take a seat in the waiting area. I am pretty sure the doctor will speak to you as soon as possible."

Jules could feel Ed's arm wrapping around her shoulder guiding her to the waiting area softly.

"Something is wrong." Jules said looking up at Ed with teary eyes.

"Jules he got shot five times. I am sure the doctors want to make sure that he is really okay despite the broken ribs and the broken sternum. Its normal procedure I'm sure. Come on let's sit down here and wait for news. Remember you have to stay calm because of Popcorn. It's not good for the baby to stress yourself out. Especially in this early state of your pregnancy."

Jules nodded and took the seat Ed had offered her. She was beyond worried. Sam had completely lost it during the last minutes before EMS had arrived. It could have been a sign for internal bleeding. On the other hand he would be in an OR by now if he had internal bleeding. Maybe the sternum and the ribs could have damaged his organs. Jules head was spinning.

Could this day get any worse?

….to be continued!


	5. Troubled healing

Hello everyone!

Sorry for the delay but here we go with a brand new chapter :o)

I want to thank you soooooo so much for making this story so special to me! Thank you!

To all my followers: I am amazed by 50 (!) followers! Thank you so much! Please leave a comment and tell me what you think! I would be soooooo happy! :o)

Prepare for some more action in Chapter 6!

**Chapter 5 – Troubled Healing**

They had to wait at least another 30 minutes before the doors opened and a tall brown haired doctor walked straightly towards them.

"I assume you are all here for a Mister Samuel Braddock."

"I am his fiancée."

"So are you Amy?"

"What?" Jules asked confused.

"Oh, I'm...I'm sorry. Constable Braddock was pretty out of it when he was brought in."

"He talked about Amy?" Jules asked in shock.

"He was mumbling her name constantly."

Jules placed a hand on her mouth. She didn't want Sam to go through this hell in his mindless state. Spike was also watching Jules in shock. Sam and Natalie never talked about their little baby sister.

"How is he doing?" Greg stepped in. He wanted to know that his Constable was alright.

"First of all Mister Braddock was really lucky that the bullets didn't puncture his vest. Unfortunately the blast had caused him four fractured ribs and a cracked sternum causing the extreme pain you noticed."

"Four?" Jules asked now focusing on the details.

"Yes. Due to the injuries the Constable had problems breathing. We will have to keep him here for a couple of days because he needs oxygen and a breathing therapy. We gave him something for the pain."

"But his lung wasn't damaged?"

"No. We were highly worried about that and checked him out carefully but he has no internal damage despite the ribs and the sternum. Constable Braddock was extremely lucky."

"Can I see him?"

"Of course. Please follow me to the ICU. We are monitoring him there."

Jules and the others followed the doctor silently down the stark white hallways of the hospital. It was very quiet as they were walking along, until they walked through the double doors leading to the ICU. The intoxicating smell of pristine antibiotics was almost deadly for their noses. There was the occasional groan, but the walls and doors blocked there eyesight. They stopped suddenly in front of a curtain.

"Just two at a time please." The doctor instructed.

While the others waited outside, Jules rushed hurriedly into the room. Sam had an oxygen mask placed on top of his mouth. He looked completely lost and helpless and Jules couldn't hold back the tears that where slowly building in her eyes.

"Sam." She said calmly getting Sam to open his tired eyes.

"Hey." He said trough the oxygen mask. Jules could see his hand wandering to the mask but grabbed it right before Sam could reach it.  
"Shhhh...you need to let it help you breathing Sam. It's really important. I just talked to the doctor. You are going to be just fine. You got four broken ribs and a cracked sternum but no other internal damage." Jules said kissing Sam's hand carefully. She could see his eyelids droop again.

"Get some sleep. It's going to be okay. I am here. I'm not going anyway." Jules assured him brushing his face while Sam relaxed under her touch.

"I have to call Sam's family." Greg said watching Jules and Sam through the window. As always, it nearly broke his heart to see one of his officers lying in a hospital bed.

"No, I'll go home and get Natalie. Please Boss let me handle that." Spike said heading towards the exit. Since the minute he had started dating Natalie he had been afraid of the moment when he had to bring her some bad news. Now they have been living together for about half a year now, and he was so afraid of her reaction. He knew how close Sam and his sister where.

"Nat?" Spike called inside the apartment.

"Hey Spiky!" Natalie cheered, rounding the corner with a big smile which dropped as soon as she saw her boyfriend standing there.

"No!" she just said.

"Nat I have to talk to you."

"Is he alright?"

"Sam protected a little boy. He got shot in the vest. He is going to be okay but he has to stay in the hospital."

"Oh my god." Natalie said her eyes starting to get wet. Spike, who had pulled her into his embrace before looked straight into her eyes again.

"He is going to be okay Nat."

"How bad is it?"

"He has four broken ribs and a cracked sternum. He got into some trouble with breathing, so he is monitored in the ICU with oxygen. Sam is going to be in some serious pain for a few weeks but he is going to be okay."

"I have to see him."

"I know. Come on I will take you there."

Sam was going to hell and back, over and over again, in his restless state of mind the pain medication had forced him into. Jules watched him struggling in bed. His heart rate rising. He was mumbling something under the mask.

"Shhhh...Sam you have to stay calm. You are in the hospital. Everything is going to be okay." Jules said softly while Ed opened the door and stepped into the room as well. He had seen Sam getting restless through the window.

"What's going on?" he asked watching Sam struggle.

"He's fighting his demons again." Jules said brushing his face helplessly.

"Again?" Ed asked with concern. Jules just nodded but could feel Ed's burning glare on her.

"He always says he got it under control. I tried to get him to look for help but Sam isn't much of a talker when it comes to his past. I am pregnant with his baby and I am going to get married to him and I don't have a single idea what he went through in Afghanistan. I have just met his family once and the evening ended with Sam and his father fighting over Sam getting back into the military. You should have heard how his father talked to him. I was near punching him for treating Sam like that. He called him a failure not only once, three times. He told him that he wasn't worth to be called a Braddock. The General told Sam that he had always been too weak and too emotional. I really don't know how Sam could become this wonderful person he is growing up with a family like that."

"Damn it. Son of a bitch!" Ed cursed getting Sam to toss and turn even more. Jules got out of her seat onto Sam's bed. She stroked his face carefully and slowly getting him to calm down a bit.

"I am here." she said over and over again in a soothing voice. She laid down beside Sam and gently rubbed her hand through his head over and over again.

Ed couldn't stand the image of Sam hurting and struggling any longer and was glad as Spike knocked on the window. Ed went outside while Natalie headed into the room immediately.

"Oh god Sammy." she said trying not to let the tears she had, from slipping down her face, now as she faced her hurt brother.

"He is OK Natalie." Jules said looking at the shaking image of Sam's normally cheerful sister. She had never seen Natalie like this. Jules knew that Sam was always her rock and her biggest support.

"Is he in a lot of pain?" Natalie whispered quietly, hand covering her mouth, and still trying to hold the dam of tears threating to break all at once.

"They gave him pretty strong pain medication."

"Is he breathing properly again?"

"You can't tell by now. He is on 100% oxygen. He was in some big trouble as he was brought in here."

"His lungs?"

"They are alright. He has nothing to worry about. Come here Nat. Take my place. Talk to him." Jules said and stepped back a little getting Natalie to move to Sam's bedside.

"Oh Sammy." Natalie said whispered out loud, finally allowing the tears to fall.

"You can't do this to me. Remember what you promised me? We have lost Amy and nothing is ever separating us." She said while Jules got out of the room. Natalie definitely needed some time alone with her brother. Jules had recognized that Natalie was still in shock as well as she needed to hold Sam's hand and make sure he was going to be alright, Natalie needed this time as well.  
Spike was watching his girlfriend through the window rubbing a hand over his face.

He could hardly see her like that.

"Nat?" Sam asked into his oxygen mask due to the constantly sobbing beside his bed. He didn't know what got him to wake up but he immediately recognized his sister.

Natalie's head shot up to face her brother.

"Hey. Shhhh...You need to rest Sammy. We are all here. Jules just left a second ago. Just go back to sleep again."

Sam's hand fumbled for the oxygen mask replacing it just a little.

"Nat I am alright." He assured his sister.

"Leave the mask over your mouth Sam. You need it." Natalie said placing it on his mouth again gently.

"We can talk about everything tomorrow when the doctors give you the okay to breathe without the oxygen mask."

Sam nodded getting his eyes shut again. He was so damn exhausted.

"Should I get Jules?" Nat asked earning a weak nod from Sam. He had to see her before getting back to sleep. Nat got to her feet and opened the door to find Jules talking to the Sergeant.

"Jules? Sam is awake He wants to see you." Natalie said while Jules followed her.

"Sam?", Jules asked and smiled as Sam was turning his face towards where she was entering.

"I had to see you and popcorn." Sam said, after getting the oxygen mask off again.

"Hey. We have talked about leaving this on right?" Jules said forcefully earning a weak "Yes ma'am" from her fiancée. Jules had to smile a little while watching Sam putting the mask back on.

As soon as she was near enough Sam stretched his arm out as far as his injury's allowed and touched Jules belly. Sam removed the mask back from his mouth again.

"Can you do me a favor?"

"Whatever you want."

"Please go home and get some rest. You need to rest for popcorn."

"Sam."

"Please Jules. I am okay and I am sure Natalie..." Sam paused struggling for air. He wasn't ready to breathe without the mask already.

"Hey!" Jules said getting the mask back on Sam's face immediately.

Sam closed his eyes sucking in as much oxygen as he could.

"Please.", he said again.

"I'll talk to Nat. If she is okay with staying I am heading home."

"Love you."

"I love you too." Jules said placing a kiss on Sam's forehead before stepping out of the room.

"Nat?" Jules asked walking over to Nat who had settled down in Spikes arms.

"Is he alright?"

"Yes. He wants me to go home and get some rest."

"That's a good idea. I am staying with him. Don't worry about that!"

"I'm staying too Jules. As soon as something chances I promise you to call you." Spike assured Jules.

"Guys you heard Spike. It was a long and tough day. We're heading home. Sam is going to be alright." Greg said while everyone was getting to their feet.

"Nat, take care that he is not going to take the oxygen mask off again."

"I will Jules. I promise."

Jules took a last look through the window before heading out of the hospital.

Natalie entered with Spike following closely. Sam was already sucked in deeply by the pain medication while Natalie could see the look on Spikes face.

"He's alright. He has already talked to me. Believe me I have seen him worse."

"I was with him when it happened."

"You...what? "Natalie asked in shock.

"It was just the two of us inside the house. We were actually walking in on a hostage situation and just wanted to check out the house. As we got there we could see a mother and her two kids in danger so we went inside. Sam was just a few feet away and threw himself in front of the boy. I witnessed him getting hit over and over again. Nat I really thought he was dead. I couldn't check on him because I had to go after the subject…"

"Oh Spike!" Natalie said taking her boyfriend into a huge hug as tears were slowly falling from Spikes face.

"All I could think about was this little unborn child and the moment I had to tell you that you brother..."

"No Michelangelo! Sam is going to be alright and so are you. Don't even think about it. He is going to be alright."

"There is something more I haven't told you. "

"Okay. Go on?"

"Sam collapsed yesterday after a Sierra shot."

"What? Why the hell didn't you tell me?"

"It was a really hard call yesterday and I didn't want you to be worried."

"Do you know what date it was yesterday?"

"No, should I?"

"Our sister's death day was yesterday."

"What? Oh my god..."

"That is the reason I asked you if Sam was alright yesterday and you just lied to me. Maybe he had needed me. I surly could have helped him!"

"I didn't know that. You both never talk about it."

"No, we don't because it is hard enough to deal with on our own."

"Sam had to shoot a highly pregnant woman yesterday."

"What?"

"They died immediately."

Natalie was covering her mouth with her hand as tears where starting to build in her eyes again. She watched her brother mumbling in his sleep again. How much more could he take? Their father always made sure that Sam was feeling bad for everything he was doing because, in the eyes of thier father, it was his fault that Amy was killed by the car. Sam always wanted to show their father that he was even better than he wanted him to be and so he joined the army. Natalie couldn't believe it at first and was even more shocked as Sam joined the Special Forces and went for a tour in Afghanistan. The General made sure that Sam was always in the line of fire. Natalie could see how broken Sam was as he returned from his first tour just to have the General send him back immediately after only two weeks.

During the time in the military it was always Matt who was by Sam's side who helped him through the hell in Afghanistan.

She would never forget the evening where a major stormed into their living room as they were about to eat dinner. "General we have a problem. Matt McDermount was killed in a friendly fire. Your son shot him."

It was then that Natalie knew that Sam would never be the same again.

How much more could he take?

….to be continued!


	6. Tragedy

Hey guys!

First of all – as usual – THANK YOU so much for you comments and a big THANK YOU to Tayler for beta reading. It really means a lot to me!

I have to say that I really thought about not updating...I only got a few comments for the last two chapters and got to think that you are maybe not satisfied with this story anymore?! I feel like I am loosing my passion a little.

Anyways it is the last chapter I have finished so there is nothing on my computer anymore than a blank paper...any wishes? Fell free to tell me :o)

Hope you are enjoying the new chapter. As I said in the last one: PREPAIR for some more ACTION!

Chapter 6 – Tragedy

Natalie woke up the next morning as a doctor entered the room. Spike hadn't stopped watching Sam for a second during the whole night.

"Hello. My name is Doctor Miller." The little white haired doctor introduced himself.  
"I am Natalie Braddock Sam's sister."

"Miss Braddock I will have to exam your brother now. Would you mind waiting outside."

"I want to stay with him please." Natalie said while the doctor smiled at her politely.

"I'm good with that. Constable Braddock?" he said getting Sam out of his restless state.

"Hello. My name is Doctor Miller. How are you feeling today?" He asked while Sam needed a minute to focus on the doctor.

"I will remove the oxygen mask now to control your breathing. Are you ready for that?" Sam nodded while the doctor freed him from the mask.

"You have to take in a deep breath for me. As deep as the pain is allowing you to." Sam followed the order wincing in pain. Natalie was by his side in a second taking his hand into hers.

"It's okay. I am with you." she said. She couldn't stand there watching him in pain. Not again.

"Okay another time." The doctor said and Sam continued.

"We have to check how your oxygen level is today. I will leave you alone for a few minutes to regulate your breath. If you feel a lack of oxygen please press the call button immediately you understand me? You can give your brother the oxygen mask again if he needed it." The doctor said getting a small nod from Sam and Natalie.

"Okay we are doing this together. Nice and slow. In and out." Natalie said supporting her brother.

"In...and out."

Sam had his eyes closed and tried to focus on Natalie's words.

"Where's Jules?" Sam asked trying desperately not to focus on the pain anymore.

"You sent her home yesterday. Don't you remember?" Sam had to smile a little. He did remember but he actually never though that Jules was really going home getting some rest.

Spike had been standing in the corner of the room not able to help his best friend through the pain. He wasn't even able to witness Sam suffering so much. Now that his breathing was getting back to normal again and Sam even began talking Spike made a few steps forward to Sam's bed.

"Hey Spike?"

"Sam you scared the shit out of me. You promised me that I would not get any bad news when I come to the hospital and then I have to sit beside your bed on the ICU. Not funny man!"

"Did you get the boy safe?"

"Thanks to you we did, yes. There were no casualties."

"Thank god."  
"Except of course…you."  
"Yeah thanks Spike. Great you remind me of that."  
"Looks like your breathing is getting better." Natalie said looking up to Spike smiling.  
"Hadn't recognized that." Sam answered sarcastically.  
"Hopefully Dr. Miller will let you go to a normal station today. One night at the ICU is really enough." Natalie said brushing over Sam's cheek lightly.  
"I didn't want you all to get that worried."  
"Yeah shame on you Samtastic. Just because you had to catch five bullets."

"Five?" Natalie nearly screamed.

Sam wanted to say something but had to cough what made him miserable within a second. He tried to get some air while Natalie widened her eyes in shock. It was just the minute Jules walked in. She had a smile on her face that frozen immediately as she saw Sam.

"Push the call button!" Natalie screamed while pressing the oxygen mask back onto Sam's mouth forcefully.

"Breath Sam!" She begged.  
Jules was by Sam's side within a second.

"What is going on?" She asked watching Sam hyperventilating and nearly screaming in pain between the coughs.

The doctor made his way into the room sending everybody out to let him do his work. Neither Jules not Natalie moved until the doctor asked them again.

"What is going on? What happened? Jules asked, tears streaming down her face as her hand was rubbing her belly. She had never seen Sam so miserable not even yesterday.  
"We were talking normally. The doctor said Sam should try and breathe on his own. We joked and then within a second he was completely out of oxygen."

"Maybe a rip punctured his lung." Spike said while Natalie and Jules faced him shocked.

"He was coughing. It could have happened." Spike continued.  
"No!" Jules whispered her hand still resting on her belly. He had to be okay. He was supposed to get better.

It took the doctor a few more minutes until he came out of Sam's room again.

"Okay as you witnessed Constable Braddock got in some trouble breathing. We gave him more pain medication and switched to oxygen through the nasal cannula. He is sleeping again. I am fine with all the three of you going in." The doctor said while Jules hurried to the door. Sam was again knocked out by the pain medication and Jules kissed his now free lips slowly.

"You have to stop doing this Sam." She said while wiping away some tears.

After about three hours Sam opened his eyes getting Jules to her feet. Natalie and Spike had just left minutes ago to get some rest after spending the whole night by Sam's bedside.

"How are you feeling?"

"Sore." Sam shifted a little and took in another breath.

"You have to breathe through your nose." Jules advanced while Sam was still focusing on her.

"You are not looking to good. Is everything alright?" He asked concerned.

"Two days ago you collapsed at the rooftop, yesterday you got shot five times, today I thought I witnessed you suffocate in front of me-what do you think?"

"I am so sorry."

"Sam stop it." She could see the hurt in his eyes.

"Jules?" Sam asked concerned as he saw Jules pressing a hand on her belly getting even paler than she had been before.

"It's nothing." Jules tried to assure him crying out in pain the next second.

"Jules! Talk to me! What's going on? Is this normal?" Sam asked while following Jules eyes. There was blood running down her legs.

"NO!" Sam yelled pushing the call button while Jules legs began to buckle.

"I am losing the baby." Jules whispered.

"No! No you are not!" Sam said and struggled to get his arms high enough to get the nasal cannula out of his nose.

Jules was grabbing at the bed for dear life and it nearly ripped Sam apart that he wasn't able to hurry to her side, to catch her from falling.  
The doctor entered the room facing the scene in front of him.

"Jules, you are not losing the baby. You hear me? Everything is going to be okay." Sam was telling Jules over and over again while trying to get into a sitting position for the third time without any success.

The doctor had called for a wheelchair while entering the room again.  
"Mister Braddock, stay in your bed. Miss Braddock my name is Dr. Founton. I will take care of you and your baby. How far along are you?"

"My name is Jules Callaghan - It's the ninth week."

"Okay we will have to call an oncologist but I will take you to the examination room." Jules nodded slowly taking a seat in the wheelchair while Sam could just watch the doctor pushing Jules out of the room.

Sam bit his teeth and cried out in pain as he got into a sitting position. He let his legs slip out of the bed and focused on breathing for a moment before he got to his feet.

He had to know that Jules and Popcorn where alright.

"What the hell do you think you are doing?" Ed said hurrying to Sam's support with big and fast steps. Ed reached him just in time to steady him.

"Jules." Sam said while Ed was forcing him to sit down again.

"What about her?"

"She..." Sam began as he could feel his stomach turning around. He hadn't eaten anything since the rooftop. The image of the woman collapsing to the floor, the unborn baby he had shot, the ultrasound of little popcorn, the blood on Jules legs. Sam began to choke and Ed was by his side with a bowl immediately. Due to the lack of foot it was only bile that got out of Sam's system.  
Ed was completely overwhelmed by the scenery.

"Should I call the doctor? What the hell is going on here? You really need to talk to me buddy!" Ed asked while Sam was desperately trying to control his breath. Throwing up and freeing himself from the oxygen in combination with the pain and the sorrow didn't give him a good time.

"Jules...she...she is losing the baby." Sam said while Ed's eyes grew wide.

"What?"

"She...she was bleeding. I have to be...with her." Ed rubbed his hands through his face looking straight into Sam's eyes.

"You are out of oxygen." he said but Sam stopped his move to the oxygen mask with a hand on Ed's arm.

"What if it was Sophie? Ed... I have to be with her."

"Damn it Sam! I will get a wheelchair and ask the doctor what we can do because of you breathing."

"No Ed...NOW!" Sam said getting to his feet again.

"Okay stop! Sit down! I will get you a wheelchair. Do you have a zip jacket...I don't think we will get you into a sweater." Ed said while getting a jacket out of Sam's cabinet.

Ed got Sam's right arm in first, never leaving Sam's face. He was completely absent.  
"Wait here. I will be back in a second." Ed said getting a wheelchair from outside. He helped Sam settle in before heading to the door.

"Where did they bring her?"

"I...I don't know."

"Okay, we will figure that out."

After asking a nurse Ed headed to the examination room with Sam. The nurse had protested but Ed knew that he would do exactly the same as Sam and right now it was better when he was with Sam than when he was going on his own.

Ed and Sam settled down in front of the examination room that the nurse had told them before.  
"You're good buddy? What about the breathing?" Ed asked while Sam just nodded. He didn't have time to think about that now. The only thing he could focus on right now was the little popcorn swimming down in a pool of blood over Jules legs. Sam had to swallow a few times not allowing himself to throw up again.

He could only focus on their last words. It was his fault that she was lying in there now, that he may lose the greatest thing that had ever happened in his life despite Jules. He had brought them into this. When the only thing Jules really needed was rest and a stress-less life he completely lost it. It was one thing that he got shot. Maybe if he hadn't been so desperate to save this little boy he could have provided all this but on the rooftop it was his own mind that got him into trouble that got him breaking down right in front of Jules. That got her stressed out and worried.

If they were losing popcorn now – it would be his fault. Again

….to be continued.


	7. The good side of life?

Hey everyone!

Thank you so much for your nice words! I hope you guys are all alright. I watched the news about Sandy with horror!  
Maybe I can make you a little happier with this chapter? I really hope for a lot of reviews.

Here is a note from my awsome beta reader Tayler:

B/N: Hey guys…this is this story's beta, Tayler, the dumb one whose lungs decided not to be up to par and had decided they would be a resting place for some repertory virus, and being a 15 year old, I thought I was dying, but mom gave me Tylenol and I was out like a light and I no longer feel like I am dying!

Most of you don't know that I am also on Student Council, and that whole week of Homecoming was filled with busyness for me!

So please don't blame the author for the wait time, blame the mucus bugs in that mucunex (spelled that wrong…don't know how to spell it sorry) commercial! Thank you all for reading and onto the authors note!

Chapter 7 -

"Sam?" Ed asked, Sam facing him.

"How are you holding up?" Ed asked, more than a teeny bit worried. Sam knew that his breathing was raspy. The only thing he hadn't recognized was that he was shaking. The emotional pressure got to him.

"'m good." Sam slurred, over the chitterling and the lack of oxygen.

"Should I call Natalie?"

"Yeah." Sam answered. He needed her now. Natalie knew everything about him. He needed her to be there right now.

"Okay. I will be back in a second. Are you going to be okay?" Sam just nodded. He could feel the hot tears building in his eyes but he fought them back. He wouldn't cry. He wouldn't let his emotions take control over him again. He had to be there, for Jules, and for god's sake, for his little popcorn.

The thought about losing little Popcorn crossed Sam's mind again leaving a bitter taste in his heart. He had killed so many kids.

Too many.

"Natalie and Spike are on their way." Ed said walking back to where Sam sat, not responding.

"You heard me buddy?" Ed asked touching Sam's shoulder lightly to get him to focus.

"Yeah, thanks."

"Should I ask if there is any news? Maybe you can stay with Jules during the examination." Ed said while Sam was looking up unsure.

"I don't know..." Sam took in a shaky, gaspy breath. "...if she wants me in there.", he continued while Ed was studying Sam's face.

He knew since the rooftop that something was really off but he knew that now wasn't the right time to talk to Sam about it.

"I will ask." Ed said getting to the door. He knocked gently but Sam had the feeling that a big rock was pressing against his wounded chest making it even more difficult to breath. He wasn't ready for anything. He couldn't stand it.

A nurse opened the door talking to Ed silently. Ed pointed towards Sam but the nurse was just shaking her head.

"I'm sorry. We tried. The nurse didn't have any news right now."  
Sam nodded closing his eyes slowly.

Amy, the little boy, the unborn baby, popcorn, Matt, all the other friends, the subjects, the enemy's, all faces that came and gone in those three seconds that it took him to open his eyes again.

"Sam talk to me. Should I get a doctor?" Ed asked again seeing Sam getting worse within seconds.

"No!"

Ed was glad as he could see Natalie and Spike heading towards them. Natalie had promised to rush to the hospital immediately. Gladly Spike and she just lived in an apartment two blocks away.  
"Sam!" Natalie said hurrying towards the broken figure of her brother.

"What is going on? Did you get any news?" Natalie asked getting down right in front of Sam.

"No." Natalie got Sam's clenched fists into her hands.

"The baby is going to be alright. Jules is going to be alright. You hear me Sammy? We are on the good side of life now. You remember that?" Natalie asked.

Just two weeks ago they had been laughing until they were hurting during a dinner they had shared and it was Sam that had taken Natalie into a hug.

"Welcome to the good side of this scary life." Sam had whispered into her ear. During their childhood and even during the last years nobody of them had expected to get this happy. And now Natalie was sharing an apartment with a man she dearly loved and a job that made her passionate and Sam was going to marry his sexy sniper chick, working in a job that made him more than proud and with a little baby on their way.

"Which one of you is a Mister Braddock?" A female doctor with red curly hair, that was so vivid, it could have been on fire asked.

"It's...me." Sam said while the Doctor walked over to Sam.

"My name is Dr. Robins. I just examined your fiancée and the baby. Are you okay to follow me inside?" Dr. Robins asked while Sam nodded trying to get to his feet.

"Keep sitting. I will push you to your fiancée." Dr. Robins offered while getting behind the chair.  
Jules was now lying in a bed facing the door as Sam was pushed inside by the Doctor.

"Hey! Are you okay?" Sam asked while Jules nodded slowly never leaving Sam with her eyes.  
"Okay Miss Callaghan, Mister Braddock first of all I can tell you that the baby is alright." Dr. Robins said while Sam could feel stones rolling down from his heart. He looked over to Jules who was smiling full of relief.

"The bleeding was occurred to a lot of stress." Dr. Robins continued and Sam could feel the pressure returning immediately. He felt like being shot all over again.

"Miss Callaghan we will keep you in the hospital to monitor you and the baby for a few days. After that we will decide how to continue." Dr. Robins said while Jules was squeezing Sam's hand, but we are considering a bed rest, and as uncomfortable as that sounds, it all depends on you. I will leave you two alone for a second to get everything arranged for Miss Callaghan." Dr. Robins said while Sam was still facing the ground after Dr. Robins left the room.

"You heard that? Popcorn is going to be alright." Jules said while Sam still fought back the tears burning in his eyes.

"Sam?" Jules asked again taking in his features. He was shaking, he was unbelievable pale and his breathing was way behind normal.

"Are you okay?" She asked while Sam's head shot up facing her. She could see he was fighting back tears. She had never seen him cry. Even if Spike had told her that Sam cried his heart out as she was shot, she had never seen it.

"Stop worrying...about me!" Sam said his voice nearly cracking.

"What?" Jules couldn't understand what was going on.

"You nearly lost...our baby and I am...sorry."

"Sam what are you talking about?"

"It's my fault."

"Sam! Stop doing this okay? Stop punishing yourself for things you are not responsible for."

Sam couldn't stand Jules glance. Their conversation was interrupted by Dr. Robins.

"Okay, everything is settled. We will move you to your room now Miss Callaghan. And because of you Mister Braddock, my colleague is beyond worried. I should bring you back to your room immediately."

Sam nodded slowly while Jules rested a hand on his arm.

"Sam!" She said desperately. She knew what he was doing right now. After she got shot on the rooftop Sam was with her day and night until she woke up. He had placed a kiss on her head and had left before they could even talk. After that she hadn't seen him until she had bagged Spike to tell Sam that she really needed him in the hospital. He had been punishing himself for not protection her and he had been sure that it was best for her to not show up at the hospital.

"Sam I love you and I need you – you hear me. All this is not your fault. You have to get well soon to be there for me and for popcorn so don't do anything stupid, you hear me?" Jules said while Sam just nodded.

"I love you too- both of you." He said before Dr. Robins wheeled him out of the room.

"How is she?" Ed was the first one who had spotted Sam being wheeled out of the room.

"They are both alright." Sam said while Natalie jumped up in relief.

"I told you!" Natalie said while facing her brother. She couldn't see any emotions in his face.

"I will take Mister Braddock to the ICU again." Dr. Robins said while Ed stepped in.

"I will do that. Thanks Dr…"

"Robins."  
"Thanks Dr. Robins. Do you already know to which room you will bring Officer...I am sorry...Miss Calaghan?"  
"Yes, it is room 245." Ed nodded while pushing Sam towards the ICU where Dr. Fulton was already waiting for them in Sam's room.

"I really can understand that you wanted to be with your fiancée in this situation but it was a really risky move!" Dr. Fulton said getting Sam to the bed with Ed's help. Sam screamed in pain causing Natalie to bury her head into Spikes chest.

"Mister Braddock, talk to me. On a scale to 10 how big is the pain?"

"8." Sam said through gritted teeth.

"Okay I see. We will give you something for that." The Doctor said while putting the oxygen meter back on Sam's finger.

"Mister Braddock your oxygen levels are critical. We will get the mask back on your face. You have to breath in as deeply as possible even if you are in a lot of pain, you hear me?" Sam nodded slowly and felt the warm wave of pain medication floating through his system. He fumbled for the oxygen mask and pulled Ed's ear towards his mouth.

"Tell Jules...I am fine...no more...worries."

"I will. I promise." Ed said while facing Sam losing consciousness. Ed's head shot up to face the doctor who just put the mask back onto Sam's face.

"It's a miracle that he didn't pass out earlier. He was in a lot of pain and as I said before the oxygen level is critical. It was really stupid to get him out of here without oxygen. I am considering to put him on a ventilator right now."

"What?" Natalie nearly screamed while facing the doctor.

"We will wait for another hour and see how Mister Braddock is improving with the mask."

"Nat will you and Spike stay with Sam? I will have to look after Jules and call Sophie to bring Jules a few clothes."

"We will keep you posted Ed."

"I promised Sam to tell Jules that he is alright and I will do so. It is the best for her and the baby right now." Natalie nodded while Ed headed towards Jules room.

Ed took in a few breath before opening the door to Jules room with a smile on his face.

"What is it with family Braddock these days? You have to stop doing this, I really don't need a heart attack." Ed joked as he entered the room.

"Is Sam alright?" Jules asked immediately and Ed hoped that his performance would be good enough for Jules. She was Team one's second profiler – it wasn't an easy job.

"He was pretty groggy and fell asleep as soon as he was back in his comfortable bed. The doctor gave him oxygen again and now he is sleeping it out." Ed said while getting a chair.

"What about you? How are you two feeling?"

"I was really scared but now as I know that the baby is alright I am good. What I am really worried about is Sam. I really need to see him Ed."

"Hey easy there. I just told you that he is alright. You need to rest now Jules."

"I don't mean that I am worried about him physically."

"What's going on with Sam?"

"I don't know! Something is really off. Not only after the rooftop. He was so absent in the examination room. He said it was all his fault. Ed I am worried about him."

"I know and I am too but right now the three of you need to get all the physical stuff together!" Jules nodded slowly while Ed interrupted her thoughts by starting to make a list of things she needed from home.

JAMFPJAMFPJAMFPJAMFPJAMFPJAM FPJAMFPJAMFPJAMFPJAMFPJAMFPJ AMFPJAMFPJAMFPJAMFPJAMFPJAMF 

Natalie eyes were not leaving the monitor where Sam's oxygen level was shown.

"Come on Sammy. Don't do this to us, okay? I don't want you to be attached to machines, you hear me? You need to fight through this! Jules and your baby are alright so you need to be alright too. Jules needs you right now, maybe more than ever. You heard that Sammy? Keep fighting!"

JAMFPJAMFPJAMFPJAMFPJAMFPJAM FPJAMFPJAMFPJAMFPJAMFPJAMFPJ AMFPJAMFPJAMFPJAMFPJAMFPJAMF 

Ed was still with Jules and Sophie as his phone started bumping against his leg. The text he read made him feel exhausted immediately but he kept his face straight, Jules should not get a bad feeling at all. He stayed with Sophie another ten minutes before saying their goodbyes to Jules who should get some rest.

"Ed? Will you look after Sam before you go home?" Jules asked.

"Of course I will. I am sure Natalie is doing perfectly fine with Sam – you know her." Ed said smiling at Jules before he closed the door exhaling deeply.

"Is everything alright?" Sophie asked and whispered.

"No!" Ed said rubbing a hand through his face before he continued.

"I just got a text from Spike. Sam is getting hooked to a ventilator right now."

"What?" Sophie said her expression full of shock.

….to be continued!


	8. The good side of life!

Hey guys!

Quickly the new chapter :o)  
I am so happy that I can post it so quickly thanks to Taylers amazing work :o)

Thank you for the reviews you gave me. I am still bagging you to leave a comment if you have a second. I am really enjoying to read each review so please please spend a second and press the review button to make me happy. It is getting me to continue writing.

Okay so now here we go with the new chapter. What do you think? :o)

**Chapter 8 - The good side of life! **

"I got him out of the ICU today so he could stay with Jules. I took him without oxygen. His oxygen level was a million miles away from okay when we got back to the ICU. They tried to get it up with 100 percent oxygen through a mask, but due to his ribs and mostly due to his cracked sternum Sam can't get as much oxygen as he is supposed to. Yesterday the doctor explained that due to the pain Sam can't breathe in deeply so they put him full of pain medication to get the pain spasms in his upper body under control. Today he sat in this wheelchair, I don't even know how long, without oxygen and without constant pain medication. It was a big mistake but I would have reacted the same way so I helped him." Ed explained.

"Edy you did nothing wrong, you hear me? Sam will pull through this. We both know that. Now, come on, we'll visit him, okay?" Sophie said while Ed followed closely. As they got to the ICU they found Natalie and Spike in front of Sam's room. Spike had wrapped his arms tightly around his crying and shaking girlfriend and Ed didn't miss, that Spike had his own problems to control his emotions.

"They say it's just to prevent Sam from further damage. Due to his disability to breathe in deeply they risked a lung infection so they put him on the ventilator. They said that they should be able to get him back to normal oxygen by tomorrow evening." Spike explained dryly not letting any emotions flow .in any of the words he spoke.

"Nat Sam is highly sedated to the progress. He won't fell a thing. You hear me? It's not that bad. He is able to breathe on his own but it is good that the doctors won't risk further damage. It is better that Sam is hooked to a ventilator for twenty four hours than getting a lung infection right?" Spike continued while Natalie was slowly nodding against his chest.

"Natalie, I will stay with him during the night. Please go home and try to get some sleep. Sam will need you when he wakes up tomorrow night." Ed said taking a step forward to but a hand on Spikes shoulder. He could tell that his friend was exhausted. Mentally and physically.

"Ed is right Nat. Come on. We should go home."

"No! I am not leaving him alone in there."

"He won't be alone! Not for a second!" Ed said reassured her while Natalie faced him with bloodshot eyes.

"He will suffer nightmares."

"I think he is too sedated for that." Ed answered truthfully.

"But what if he does? You have to calm him down. He has bad nightmares."

"I will. I promise."

"You need to hold his hand so he knows that someone is there for him. He should not feel alone. Not a second."

"I will Natalie and I promise you to call as soon as anything changes."

"Jules will get suspicious when I don't visit her today." Natalie said trying to stop the tears from falling.

"I will go see her. I can handle that." Spike said breathing in deeply.

"Okay. Spike you go visit Jules. Get in all cheerfully and make sure she isn't suspecting a thing. You know Jules, she is damn good in her job so give your best. Just tell her Natalie fall asleep at Sam's bedside." Ed instructed.

"Copy that."

"See you guys tomorrow." Ed said before saying his goodbyes to Sophie. He took in a deep breath before entering Sam's room.

"God damn it!" he whispered as he faced his team mate, his friend being hooked up to the machine. His chest rising and falling with the horrible sound of the ventilator.

"God damn it Samo!" He continued louder, taking his hand slowly.

"What the hell have we done to you?" Ed asked taking in a shaky breath.

"I just visited Jules and little popcorn. They are doing great." Ed started his monologue.

It didn't take long until the door was opened again.

...

"Oh no!" Greg said his voice full of emotions.

"Did Sophie call you?"

"Yes. I was just on my way here."

"Have you seen Jules?"

"Yea, shortly. She was really tired so I let her get some rest." Greg took a few steps forward putting a firm hand on Sam's shoulder.

"Your family is alright Sam." Greg said before getting a chair next to Sam's other side.

"What about shift tomorrow?" Ed asked while Greg put a hand on Sam's arm again.

"Free time for the next three days. We are two men short."

...

As Jules woke up the next morning she was feeling way better than she had felt in ages. For the first time she didn't feel any morning sickness and had to smile.

"Your daddy always told me that this day would come and that we would celebrate it with everything I wanted to eat in the morning." Jules said smiling while running a hand over her belly. She was still smiling brightly as the door opened and the friendly nurse she got to know yesterday entered the room.

"Oh good morning sunshine." She said which Jules had to smile even brighter at.

"First day without morning sickness."

"Wow! That's a big day. Congratulations."

"Betty is it possible to do me a favour?"

"Sure thing."

"Can you ask the doctor if I can visit my fiancée? Just for a second? I just want to tell him that it finally happened."

"I can see what I can do for you but I think you should be allowed if I promise her to get you in and out of your bed safely."

"Betty you are the best."

"Oh I know honey." Betty smiled leaving the room again.

...

Ed and Greg both hadn't stopped watching Sam for a second. Due to the doctor, who did a quick check up in the morning, Sam was doing fine.

They were interrupted in their thoughts as Natalie and Spike entered the room.

"Hey. How is he?" Natalie asked rushing to Sam's side. She still looked like hell.

"I couldn't get her to stay at home any longer." Spike excused while receiving a firm nod from Ed. "C'mon, we will pay Jules as visit." Ed said while the door opened again.

Betty had fulfilled Jules wish and pushed her inside the ICU where Jules guided her the way to Sam's room. Betty opened the door while Jules watched nearly the whole team standing in Sam's room.

"Wow, I didn't know you were already giving a party Sam!" Jules said smiling while her eyes scanned the room for his hopefully returned smile. Ed's face dropped while Jules smile froze immediately.

"Jules!" Greg stepped in but Jules was already dealing with the shock to see Sam like that.

"What…?" She just asked with a broken voice, not able to form a question out of her thoughts.

"Honey, I better get you back to your room." Betty said but Jules shook her head violently.

"Sam is going to be okay. Everything is going to be alright." Greg continued while Jules was just staring at the incubated form of her fiancée.

"Jules! Hey, look at me!" Spike said kneeling down in front of Jules. "Look at me Jules." He repeated with a calm voice.

"Due to the lack of oxygen yesterday, Sam's oxygen levels where dangerously low. They hooked him to a ventilator to prevent his lungs from any further damage-like an infection. He was able to breathe on his own and he was responsive. In a few hours they will get him off of this ventilator." Spike explained calmly while kneeling in front of Jules wheelchair. He had been through this with Natalie the whole night long.

"But…he….you said he was alright." She said looking at Ed with a dangerous look on her face.

"Sam asked us too. You shouldn't get any more worried because of Popcorn. I promise you that I told the truth-completely. The doctors will get him off of the ventilator in a few hours. I think he might be a little dizzy from the anaesthetics but by this time tomorrow he should be near to his old self." Spike continued.

Jules got out of her wheelchair slowly while Spike offered her a securing hand to guide her to Sam's bedside.

"We are all here Sam." Jules whispered putting a small kiss on Sam's cheek. Her tears dripping on his face. For the first ever he looked completely calm and peacefully which nearly scared the hell out of Jules.

"I love you." Jules whispered while getting back to the wheelchair.

"You all promise me to update. I will go back to my room now because I know that I have to think about popcorn, but you have to promise me to keep me updated." Jules got mumbled promises as response while she gave Betty a nod before being pushed out of the room. She knew that she would never forget this image of Sam. Never. How glad she had been that Sam had just been hit in the vest. Seeing him like that told her one more time how close to death Sam had come.

...

As promised the doctors got Sam out of the ventilator in the evening, switching him to oxygen over a mask at first while reducing it to oxygen through a nasal cannula during the night. The whole time Natalie didn't left her brother a second. Even if she knew that he was not fighting for his live she was still scared. She couldn't lose him.

Jules tried her very best to rest but every time she drifted to sleep Sam's still form hunted her. He had been so sad, so emotionally drained as she had seen him the last time. Jules tried to cut this thought out of her mind. He was going to be okay.

...

As Sam opened his eyes Natalie was with him in no time. The doctor had just given the information that Sam's oxygen levels where back to normal now, so Spike had gone to Jules to tell her the good news.

"Sammy?" Natalie asked softly while Sam needed a second to focus on his sister.

"Jules?" he asked, his voice sore.

"Shhhh….don't talk. You've spent 24 hours on a ventilator but you are fine now. Your oxygen levels are perfect. Jules and the baby are completely fine too. Everything is going to be alright."

"You look like hell." Sam continued, bluntly disregarding what Natalie had just told him.

"Don't worry about me Sammy. Now that you are talking again everything is alright."

"Why a…?" Sam tried to say but his voice broke.

"Here." Natalie said offering Sam some water.

"Nice and slow sips." She introduced as she helped Sam drink some water.

"Better?"

"A lot."

"Good to hear."

"Why did they hook me to a ventilator?"

"Don't you remember?"

"No. The last thing I remember is…." Sam stopped as the painful memory of Jules nearly losing their baby because of him hunted him again.

"Shhhh…just rest Sammy. We can talk about everything later."

"No! The last thing I remember is being wheeled out of Jules examination room."

"By the time you got back to the ICU your oxygen level was dangerously low. To prevent your lungs from any further damage they decided to hook you to a ventilator. I gave my permission to do so." Sam nodded slowly while he tried to sort all the information.

"But Jules, you didn't tell her right?"

"She was here yesterday."

"No." Sam nearly shouted. His eyes growing wide in shock. He didn't want her to see him like that. He didn't want her to go through all of this.

"Calm down Sam! She was alright. Spike is with her now keeping her posted that your oxygen levels are back to normal. She is okay and popcorn is okay as well."

"Do you have your phone with you?"

"Sam you need to rest."

...

Spike was just on his way back to the ICU as his phone began bumping. He widened his eyes as he saw his beautiful girlfriend smiling at him on the display.

"Nat, is everything alright?"

"Yes darling, everything is just fine." Sam answered while Spike busted into a laughter.

"Samtastic, just seconds back in the land of the living and joking again."

"Are you still with Jules? I want to talk to her."

"Actually I am on my way back to you sleeping beauty but if you say please I will turn around." Spike trailed off, jokingly.

"So please?"

"Of course." Spike opened Jules door again handing her the phone without saying a word. Jules saw Natalie's photo on the screen as she took the phone out of Spikes hand.

"Nat, how is he?"

"I would say he's good." Sam answered while Jules eyes filled with tears immediately.

"Jules?" Sam asked as he didn't get a response.

"I am so glad to hear your voice." Sam could hear that Jules was crying which nearly ripped him apart.

"I am SO glad to hear your voice too. How are you two holding up?" Sam joked slightly, but then got serious again.

"Better now that I can tell little Popcorn that Daddy is going to be alright. I heard your oxygen levels are back to normal. Are you still hooked to oxygen?"

"Yes through a nasal cannula but I don't feel like needing it anymore."

"That's good to hear."

"What about the two of you?"

"I can promise you that we are beyond okay. Yesterday I came to your room to celebrate the big day."

"No morning sickness anymore?"

"Yes."

"Damn and I missed it!"

"Promise me we will get out of here soon and celebrate it as soon as we are back at home."

"I promise. Did the doctors tell you when you are going to be released?"

"Yes tomorrow. They monitored us during the whole time but everything is okay and stable so I can go home tomorrow. The doctors told me that I need to rest for the next two weeks." "

That's great news. I am so glad that the two of you are okay."

"And we are glad that you are okay. Did the doctors tell you anything?"

"No. I just got back to the land of the living, as Spike called it. I haven't seen a doctor yet, but I will guess I will soon."

"You really sound a whole lot better."

"I really think Natalie's decision to let them hook me to a ventilator was great." Sam said while he looked his sister directly in the eyes. He could tell that she had struggled badly with her decision.

"Yeah I am glad she made that decision too."

"Jules?"

"Yes?"

"I love you."

"I love you too. I will stop by tomorrow when I get the green light okay?"

"Can't wait to see both of you."

"Cell phones aren't allowed to be used in the hospital…" Jules heard in the background, coming from Sam's end.

"Nice job, just get better." She whispered to no one in particular.

...

Sam closed his eyes as the doctor came in, and Natalie left for a moment, to give them some privacy.

As the doctor walked out, and she came back in, her brother was once again sound asleep, and he let him.

He needed his rest.

...to be continued! :o) PLEASE spend a second to leave a review.


	9. Step by step

**IMPORTANT:**

Hello everyone.

As you can see I haven't updated in a while. Unfortunately my beta reader is not responding to my e-Mails...I waited passionately but due to the fact that she isn't answering for weeks I will post this chapter WITHOUT beta! Please remember that English isn't my first language and I am sorry for all the mistakes.  
Tayler (my Beta) did a really great job during the whole time but I didn't want to let you guys wait any longer.  
  
So if anyone out there is interested in becoming my beta...PLEASE contact me. I really need your help,

I hope you enjoy the chapter even with all the mistakes in it.

I AM SORRY!

If you like it, please leave a comment! I am so proud of all the comments, followers and favorites...it really means a lot to me!

Next chapter we will get Sam, Jules and Popcorn finally HOME! And I promise a big breakdown...

Chapter 9 – Step by step

Jules nearly jumped at Sam as she entered his ICU room the next day. Sam's bed was a little upright and Jules was relieved to see his beautifully blue eyes again.

"Thank god." She said as she hugged Sam tightly causing him to wince.

"I am sorry….I am so so sorry." she said but Sam was just smiling at her placing a big kiss on Jules lips.  
"Damn I really thought tomorrow would never come." Sam said while Jules was rubbing his cheek lightly.

"You aren't attached to oxygen anymore!" Jules said smiling as she recognized that Sam only got the IV-pole in his hand.

"Yes the doctor replaced it this morning and as you can see oxygen level is 100 percent."

"Sam that's great! Will you be transferred to a normal station soon?"

"Yes. In about an hour, they are just settling everything. Hopefully they will release me soon. You need someone to take care of the two of you."

"About that. Sophie is going to stay with me. The doctors told me no moving around for at least another week so Sophie is staying with Izzy. And about you Mister broken ribs and cracked sternum. I don't think that you are able to do much when you get out of here. That's the reason why Natalie is staying with us as soon as you got released."

"Really?" Sam said relieved to hear that Sophie was taking care of Jules while he couldn't. He knew that he wouldn't be able to do much on his own but wasn't letting this thought get into his mind by now.

"Ed is taking me home now." Jules said before she kissed Sam passionately

"Call me as soon as you can?" Jules asked looking forward to Sam having a phone again.

"I promise."

"I love you."

"Love you too. Both of you!"

Sam closed his eyes as Jules walked out of the room. He felt miserable for putting her through all of this, he felt miserable for not being there for her when she needed him so much, he felt miserable for causing her so much sorrow. He knew that Jules needed him in a supportive mood right now and that was the reason he had put on this mask He couldn't cause her anymore sorrow even if he felt like being eaten up inside.  
He couldn't handle all of this. But for Jules it was better when he acted like he could.

Sam was transferred to a normal room a few hours later and the whole team paid him a visit but Sam was more than relived as he was finally alone.  
Even Natalie had agreed to go home so he could get some rest. Sam knew that he was a million miles away from that. He was tired due to the pain medication and everything he had been through the last days but his mind stopped him from drifting off to sleep.  
There was so much in his head. He was afraid of the time when he was released from the hospital and not being able to return to work immediately. He shivered by the thought of all the time he would have. Time to think. Time to go to hell and back.

As the night nurse entered the room Sam was still wide awake.

"Everything alright in here? Do you need anything?" She asked kindly.

"I'm good thank you."

"Do you want anything to go to sleep? You need to rest."

"No. I'm fine."

Sam waited patiently for the doctor to show up at his room the next morning.

"So Mister Braddock, everything is looking good. I want you to get out of the bed today to get your blood pressure stabilized. If you are doing good there should be nothing in the way for a release by tomorrow. I will send by Abby, our physiotherapist to talk a walk with you."

As Abby entered the room Sam was more than happy to see a grey haired, friendly woman. The last thing he needed now was a talkative all cheerfully young woman. Abby reminded him of his grandmother. He hadn't thought about her in forever. His grandmother had always been the one person that supported him, the only person beside Natalie and Jules who had ever shown him love. She died a few weeks after Amy and with her his stone, his last hope.

"So Constable? I heard you where in some great trouble the last days."

"Yeah."

"And I heard you are going to be a daddy. It was great what you did to support your girlfriend, even if the doctors would like to kill me for telling you this."

Abby said smiling but Sam's mind drifted off already. He hadn't supported Jules. It had been his fault that she had to go through all this so it was the least he could do to support her.  
"Have you tried out how good your mobility is? With the ribs and the sternum we have to check out how much you can move your arms already. Don't put yourself in too much pain. Stop immediately when it is getting to hard, okay?" Sam nodded in agreement.

"Great. So I want you to lift your arms as high as possible." Sam tried the best he could but was only able to hold them a few inches over his blanket.

"Okay. That was already great. So now to the left and the right." Sam did as he was told.

"Good. Now we have to look how your blood pressure is going. You have been in this bed for a while. I want you to swing your legs out of the bed and take a seat on the bed. Will you do that for me?" Sam nodded and got his legs out before struggling to sit up. He felt like a fish without water. But with some afford and a great amount of pain he got into a sitting position. Abby was still standing in front of the bed supporting Sam's upper body immediately as Sam got dizzy out of nowhere. He had never been in trouble controlling his blood pressure - today he felt like sitting in a rollercoaster.

"Keep talking to me Constable. I don't want you to pass out.", Abby said while Sam mumbled some unclear words.

"Keep talking." and Sam concentrated on her voice.

"I'm good." He said after a few seconds facing Abby who was still supporting his body.

"Really?"

"Yeah, the rollercoaster stopped."

"That's a good sign. Do you think you will be able to take a nice walk with me?"

"Of course."

"I will get you something to put over. Is your girlfriend coming today?"

"No, she has to stay in bed due to the bleeding."

"Yes I see. Who will support you when you get home?"

"My sister Natalie."

"Oh yeah, I have seen her around. Is she coming today?"

"I bet she is."

"Good I need to show her some tricks how she can help you getting dressed and undressed without hurting you more than necessary."

"Can't you show me how to do that on my own?" Sam asked. He didn't want to think about relying on Natalie or someone else.

"I wish I could do that but you just saw how much you can move your arms. There is no possibility that you can handle it on your own."

"Great!"

"Constable, I heard you got shoot five times. You should be the luckiest person on earth that you survived all this with only a few bruises." Abby reminded him while looking directly into Sam's eyes.

"You are right." Sam said silently. It wasn't okay that he was complaining.  
"Should I call Natalie to stop by?"

"That would be great. Where is your mobile? I will hand it to you." Abby said while the door to his room opened after a small knock.

….to be continued!


	10. Sniper on light duty

Hello everyone!

So here we go again and as I promised – Sam is back in the field.

I want to thank you for all you nice words. So a new chapter without a beta reader. Still I am more than ready to accept a new beta reader if you guys aren't satisfied anyomore. Just let me know!

So to all the amazingly 76(!) followers and 26 favourites: Please spent a minute of you time and leave a comment! We are nearing the 100 comments! WOW! Absolutely amazing. I want to thank you all for it!  
Please make it happen. I don't think it is a secret...as any other writer I LOVE to read what you think about my story. It is pushing me to keep up the work on this story.

Have fun everyone!

**Chapter 10 – Sniper on light duty**

"Nat! We where just about to call you."

"Really?" Nat asked getting to his brothers side.

"You are finaly up Sammy! It is so great to see you like this again." Natalie said kissing Sam to his cheek softly before stretching her hand out to greet Abby.

"I am Natalie Braddock."

"Nice to meet you Natalie. My name is Abby and I am Sam's physiotherapist for now. We where about to call you because I heard you will be the one to take care of Sam when he get's home."

"Of course I will." Natalie said watching her brother while Sam had to smile a little. This was so Natalie. Surely she had her mistakes but he knew that she would never let him down or that she would never complain about taking care of him and helping him with all these things.

"I would like to show you how you can help your brother getting dressed and undressed with the least possible amount of pain."

Natalie nodded while Abby got a sweater out of Sam's cabinet.

"You always have to remember that your brother is not able to lift his arms and that it would cause him pain if you are lifting them up." Abby said rolling up the sweater showing Natalie everything slowly.

Sam had to bite back a moan due to the pain Abby caused him.

"I will take a walk with Sam. Afterwards I will show you how to get out the sweater again."

"Great. Do you mind if I join you?"

"No get along." Abby answered while looking back at Sam.

"Any dizziness or something else I should be worried about?"

"No."

"Then get back to your feet Constable." Sam stood up with little afford and took a walk with Abby and Natalie, chatting the whole time. Back in Sam's room Abby showed Natalie how to get the sweater off of him again before it was Natalie's turn to put the T-Shirt he was wearing in bed back onto him. Even if Natalie was as soft as possible Sam had to concentrate on keeping a straight face. He knew that Natalie would blame herself if he showed her that she was causing him much more pain than Abby had before.

"Great. I will talk to your doctors but I think there is no problem that you will be released tomorrow."

"Thank you very much Abby!"

"Thank you too Sam. Keep the peace in our town but try not to get shot again, okay?"

"I will do my very best."

Sam was in great trouble getting in and out of the car without freaking out because of the pain. Natalie and Spike had picked him up at the hospital making sure that he got home safely. Nat had arranged everything with her work so she could spend 24 hours with Sam and Jules a whole week long.

"Need any help buddy?" Spike asked as he watched Sam struggle to get out of the car.

"I would tell you if I knew what help I need." Sam answered dryly getting his feet out of the car.

"I can push you up from the drivers seat."

"Not funny man."

"It wasn't a joke. I could do that."

"Spike will you just give me a minute? I got into this damn car, I will get out of it." Spike nodded while stepping back watching as Sam made his way out of the seat painfully slow.

Jules was lying on the couch as Spike, Natalie and Sam entered the house.

"You are back!", she said getting up from her comfortable position. She kissed Sam gently before smiling at Natalie and Spike.

"Take a seat. Sophie and Ed are on the way with a lot of food, that's what Ed told me on the phone." Jules said while Spike and Natalie started to put the plates on the table.

"How are you feeling?" Jules asked as she watched Sam's face closely. He was sweating a little, his face was pale. Jules could tell that he was in pain.

"Glad to be home again." Sam answered kissing Jules again.

"What about the two of you? How are you feeling?"

"Tired. I am just up to get from the bedroom to the couch or in return. It's exhausting and not funny. I am greatfull to have some company now." Sam smiled lightly still standing in the middle of the room.

"Are you up for eating or do you want to rest a bit?" Jules asked. Natalie had told her everything so she knew that Sam was still pretty weak.

"No, I am good. I just don't want to sit down on that couch right now. I don't know if I would be able to get back up."

"Sammy, take a seat at the table. You practised with Abby. It's no problem for you to get up from a chair." Sam nodded while taking a seat on the kitchen table just in time as the door opened again and Sophie, Ed, Greg, Raf and Spike entered the room. They all shared a great laughter because Ed and Greg where carrying a camping desk and chairs. Sam tried to hide the pain from laughing but could feel Natalies and Jules eyes on him. He was glad to see all of his friends again.

"I didn't know we where giving a party today.", Jules said while getting to the kitchen desk as well. "Come on. You both scared the shit out of us. Sam got the record with three times in one week so it is worse celebrating you are all back home and save." Ed explained while helping Sophie to set up the food.

Jules could tell that Sam was getting weaker and paler after spending an hour and a half chatting and laughing with his friends. She didn't want to embrace him by asking in front of the whole team so she shared a meaningful glance with the Sergeant.

"Okay. So now let us get packed. The happy couple here needs to rest.", Greg said while getting their stuff together before saying their goodbyes. As Sam closed the door behind Ed Jules could see that he was beyond exhausted. He was pale as a ghost again. The swat was visible on his face while his hands where shaking as he touched the door knob.

"Sam?", Jules asked full of concern while Sam just gave her a smile.

"I promise you that I am okay. I just…I need to rest.", he explained while Natalie was by his side in no second. She had settled into the guest bed room to stay with Sam and Jules around the clock. "Come on. We will get you comfortable and than you can take a nap.", she said smiling while Jules got up from the couch too.

"I will join you." She said following Natalie and Sam upstairs. She felt so sorry that Natalie had to do all the work now but she knew that Sam's sister was comfortable with it.

"Take a seat on the bed. We will do this nice and slowly as Abby showed us in the hospital." Natalie said while getting a Shirt out of Sam's dresser. She did the procedure slowly step by step while Jules watched closely. Today Sam knew that he had overdone himself. He started wincing as soon as Natalie lifted his arms just a bit.

"I am so sorry. Just bite your teeth. It will be over soon.", Natalie said while Jules was rubbing circles onto Sam's back. She didn't know how bad his movement was until this moment. Sam winced again and Jules could see the tears in his eyes as Natalie finished dressing him.

"Get some rest." Jules said softly helping Sam to settle down at his side of the bed. He fell asleep just seconds afterwards while Natalie came back into the bedroom.

"Is he asleep?"

"Thankfully yes."

"I think it was just to much for him.  
"I know. But he isn't talking about it. He is not alright. Not physically and not psychically."  
"I know." Natalie just said while watching Sam sleep. She had seen him outside the waiting room as they didn't know that Jules and the baby where alright. Sam was miserable and not only due to the pain he had been in. She had seen him like that so many years ago. Hopefully they would be able to help him through all of this again.

**For weeks later...**

During the whole time of recovery Sam had managed to keep up his cheerful mood and he knew that he had done a great job because he was really feeling better even if he knew that nothing in his mind had changed. He had gotten stronger every day and even if Jules was far away from happy the doctor had cleared him to go back on light duty today. Jules was also nearly back to her normal self. The baby was doing just great and Jules hadn't suffered any bleeding or other complications since her release out of the hospital.

"Do you fell up to it?", Jules asked as Sam came back from the bathroom to get dressed for work. "More than up to it."

"Sam?"

"Yeah?" Sam turned around to face Jules as she didn't continue talking.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Sam asked and set down on Jules bedside as he could see the tears in her eyes.

"You have to promise me to be careful!"

"Sweetheart you know that I am always careful and I am just on light duty. I will not leave the truck." Sam reassured her while brushing her cheek lightly.

"We could have lost you, you know? When you where laying in that house, not moving, not responsible, with five bullets in your vest and then seeing you in this hospital bed intubated and breathing with the help of the machine. I am afraid Sam." Jules said while the tears where slowly running down her cheeks.

Sam knew that she had kept it inside all this weeks. He knew that she was dealing with it. He wrapped his arms around her while Jules was leaning lightly against his still wounded chest afraid to cause him any pain.

"I know I have put you through a lot the last weeks and I am sorry for that." Sam said trying to keep his own emotions under control as he had all this weeks.

"But I promise you that I will be careful. You know the job, you know the risks but during all this years I always stayed save. It was just a bad day."

"I love you."

"I love you too. And now get back to sleep and stop worrying about me. I have the whole team keeping a close eye on me today."

"I know. I will drop by when shift ends to pick you up."

"That's a great idea. See you this evening."

Sam was glad as he entered the HQ. He knew that it was time to get back on the job, time to get his normal routine back but he was also glad to be on light duty for a while. The pressure from all the events of the last weeks was like a stone he was carrying. He was far away from being okay with everything that had happened. And he knew for sure that Ed and Serge would have a really close look on him during the first weeks back on duty.

As Sam entered the barn the whole team was in the gym. Leah, Serge, Spike and Ed all stopped in their movement as Sam rounded the corner.

"Hey hey hey! Look who is back!", Spike cheered as he saw Sam.  
"Sam! You are up to keep the peace again?", Ed asked getting Sam to smile.

"More than ready. Even if I have to stay in the truck."

"Hey, don't say anything against the truck. I am thrilled to work with you inside.", Spike said rolling his eyes.

"Yeah can't wait to sit beside you for hours either."

Sam got to the locker room to get dressed. The vest was giving him a really hard time so he opened it before sitting down in the briefing room.

"Sam any trouble with the vest?", Greg asked immediately.

"Unfortunately yes. It is pressing against the ribs and the sternum but I will get through it when I have to."

"Okay so for today we..."  
"Team One hot call!" Winnies voice interrupted the sergeant.

"Wow that was fast." Spike said while helping Sam fixing his vest.

"Good?" Sam just nodded while heading to the SUV with Spike.

They had a shooting in progress and Sam was glad as he could take a seat beside Spike to get all the informations his team needed. Normally it was Jules job but he got into it pretty fast after asking Spike a few questions.

They where able to clear the situation really fast but on the way back to the HQ Winnie announced another hot call. This time Sam knew after a few minutes on the scene that the light duty was over.

"Damn it! Greg I have no solution. I repeat no solution. Spike get a rifle, you have to get yourself a sierra position. The subject changed the way I can't see him from my spot and it will take to long until I will get into another god position. It is a dead end up here."

"Ed I am not a sniper!" Spike said while facing Sam.

"Spike is right. The wind is a bitch today. I am on my way." Sam said getting to his feet immediately. Every single member of the team was able to do a good shot if it was necessary but not from such a great distance and not with the crosswind.

"Sam you are on light duty.", Greg interrupted.

"There is a life at risk. Ed and I are the only snipers left. If Ed's vision is blocked it is my turn to get a sierra position." Greg exhaled deeply. He knew that Sam was completely right.

"Spike you go with him!" Serge said while rubbing his head.

Spike carried the heavy rifle while rushing up the stairs right behind Sam. He knew his brother in law better than anyone else on the team expect of Jules. He had been with Sam during the whole time of recovery and he knew that he was far away from being ready to take this shot today.

Sam closed his eyes before he got flat onto his stomach causing him to moan out loud.

"You sure you can handle this?" Spike asked while setting the rifle for Sam.

"Any better solution?", Sam asked before letting his sniper breathing kick in. As soon as he had the subject in the scope there was no other thought in his mind. He could hear his blood flooding in his ears. He could hear his strong heartbeat, he could hear the Sergeant calling scorpio, he could hear the shot and feel the back draft of his rifle against his shoulder, he could see the subject crushing to the floor. Another live he had ended. Light duty was clearly over.

….to be continued!


	11. The hurt of the past

Hey everyone!

Over 100! THANK YOU SO MUCH! I really thought long about updating again but after watching the finale I really had to! So hope you will like it.

I can only beg you to give me some credit and leave a comment. Over 1000 (!) people read each chapter... I am amazed! Really I am...I can't even find the right words!

So I can only say PLEASE for a comment – that is all I can do...

**IMPORTANT: This chapter is REALLY emotional it includes the description of violence and death, even if I really tried to keep it to a low level – Please only read if you can handle it!**

**Chapter 11 – Hurt of the past**

Sam remained in his position for a while as long as he could hear his surroundings again. Spike was asking if he was alright and Sam knew that he had to answer. He could hear the other voices over his ear piece but he wasn't able to talk. His mind wasn't able to form an answer. All he could see was the body crashing down on the ground.

Again.

The face of the little boy in Afghanistan.

Again.

The blood floating down Jules legs.

Again.

Amy.

Again.

Sam tried his best to stop the sick feeling in his gut, to stop the pictures from playing again and again in his memory.

"I'm good.", he managed to say. It was nearly a whisper but he had said something. Sam groaned painfully while rolling onto his back. His vest was causing him undefinable pain but he knew that he had to breath trough it. SIU was waiting for him.

Again.

"Spike, talk to me, how is he?", Greg was clearly worried.  
"Boss, he is okay. You sure you are alright?" Spike answered and asked at the same time. He knew Sam. He was way to pale and his breathing was way to heavy, especially considering sniper breathing.

"I am on my way." Sam heard Ed say and turned his head to Spike making eye contact for the first time. Spikes hand was resting carefully on his breast, his eyes full of worry...and panic.

Sam new that he had to pull himself together. He had managed to keep it together for several weeks now, he would not let his mask down. Not here, not now and not with Jules being in this unsecured state of her pregnancy.

"Ed, Serg I am okay. Spike just help me up.", Sam snapped out of his thoughts while Spike pushed Sam's back up stabilising him as long as Sam needed to stand strong on his own.

"You have to leave Spike. SIU is coming soon.", Sam assured him while Spike made eye contact. "You sure?"

"Yeah."

"See you back at the HQ.", Spike said before leaving Sam alone on the rooftop.

As Jules entered the barn she could see that the team hadn't returned from a call.

"Look at you. Your belly is growing." Winnie said but remained seated on her desk.

"Is the call still in progress?", Jules asked while Winnie looked up at her.

"The subject is down."

"Oh no!"

"It was a hell of a day today. But the team is on their way back. They should be arriving soon.", Winnie explained and was more than relieved that Jules didn't ask her who took the shot.

Jules was sitting in the briefing room as she heard the bouncing footsteps announcing that the team was returning. She got up to her feet and remained in the briefing room as her eyes where scanning the area for Sam. She was surprised to see Ed because Winnie had told her that they had to take the shot.

"Oh no!", Jules said immediately as realisation caught her.

"Jules. Hey. I didn't know you where here.", Ed said while Jules was facing him.

Sam and the Sergeant weren't with them.

"Where is he?"

"Jules we got into trouble during the call."

"Ed Sam is on light duty!"

"My vision was blocked Jules. We had a life at risk. Sam had to do this shot."

"He wasn't up for it!", Jules said frustrated.

"Come on Jules I will give you a ride home. We will debrief tomorrow.", Spike said clearly worried about Jules.

"No. I am waiting for Sam."

"The Boss will get him straight home after SIU.", Spike continued while Jules nodded. She knew the procedure.

Jules looked out of the window as she could hear a car approaching. It was late. Really late. Sam looked beyond exhausted as he entered the house not at all surprised to see Jules waiting for him. "Hey.", he simple said while wrapping his arms around his pregnant fiancée.

"Are you alright?" Jules asked but Sam just looked at her. His look was telling her more than a thousand words.

"I am heading upstairs. Need a shower." Sam explained.

As Sam got to the bedroom Jules knew that he wasn't going to talk much. Indeed he just got to his bedside and covered his naked and still bruised chest with the blanket. The vest, the laying on his chest, the back draft of the rifle, it all had caused him pain today but it was nothing against the pain he was feeling from his inside.

Jules didn't ask him any questions, she didn't push him to talk either. She just turned out the lights and grabbed his hand tightly.

"I love you and I am here if you need anything." she said while closing her eyes. The baby needed the rest.

_Sam was in the middle of the desert in Afghanistan as he could feel the heat of the sun burning onto his head. He felt dizzy and turned his head to the side slowly. What he saw made his eyes grew wide immediately. He was laying in the sand pieces of burning metal beside him. He could hear moans and screams. They where attacked. Their truck had been hit. Sam got into a sitting position carefully not knowing what injuries he might had suffered during the blast. _

"_Matt!" he called out and found his best friend sitting against the rest of the truck. _

"_Damn it Braddock I thought you where never coming through again." Matt said and Sam could see that he was hurt. _

"_Just a few broken ribs I am going to live." Matt said while getting back to his feet with Sam's help. "What about the others?" _

"_Clarence is gone. That's all that is left of him." Matt said while looking to a dead body. _

"_Come on. We have to keep going. We need to get back to base. Come on!" Sam said while Matt was looking at him worried._

"_Braddock your head is bleeding badly. Let me take a look at it." _

"_Matt I am good okay? Just keep going."_

_They where walking through the desert what felt like hours when he could feel Matt struggling beside him. He pushed him forward and nearly dragged him into the direction of their base when they reached a small town. Sam knew that he would never forget the face of this small boy with the gun in his hands. He pointed it directly to Sam leaving Sam no other option than let Matt drop to the ground and get his own gun forced at the boy. Sam knew that he had screamed at the boy begged him to drop the gun but the boy had fired hitting Sam right into his vest which he gladly hadn't took off leaving Sam no other opportunity than fire back. He would never forget the little boy dropping to the ground right in front of him. He was only five years old. Sam had checked for a pulse frantically but never found on. He remembered throwing up heavily right beside the lifeless body._

It was this second where his eyes flew open. Jules had already switched on the lights due to Sam's restless state. She had tried to get him awake but Sam had screamed in his sleep. Jules couldn't understand much but she could understand that he was begging someone to drop the gun.

Sam's eyes flew open and looked at Jules in blank horror causing Jules to raise her hands up.

"Sam it's just me. It's Jules. Everything is okay. You are save." She tried to convince him but Sam was to captured in his memories.

"I didn't want to...I...he was so small...but I couldn't." Sam rambled while trying to catch his breathing.

"Sam! It's okay you are save." Jules said again while Sam stumbled to his feet. He knew that it was to late. He started vomiting right unto the bedroom floor while Jules was by his side in no time completely shocked about Sam's outburst who was slowly sinking to his knees shaking badly throughout the tears. Jules didn't hesitate a second getting to her knees as well and getting Sam's shaking form into her arms.

"I've killed him."

"Who? Matt?", Jules asked.

"There was a boy back in Afghanistan. Our truck was hit by a grenade. One of my man died. Matt and I mad it out wounded but alive. I dragged Matt towards the base. There was a little boy standing in front of me. He was only five years old. He shot me and I fired back. I killed him. I killed this boy Jules.", Sam said while Jules eyes where filling with tears as well. Sam never talked about his past and now she knew why.

"You had to protect yourself. You had to protect Matt. There are people who need to be protected." Jules said while Sam looked up to her with bloodshot eyes.

"I protected Matt just to shot him a few weeks later." Jules placed a kiss onto Sam's head. She didn't know how she could help him, what she could do to make him better, so she just sad there holding him until the shaking stopped a little and Sam got to his feet. Without saying a word he got out of the bedroom just to return with a cloth to clean up his mess, all emotions completely wiped out of his face.

"Sam you don't need to do this." Jules said watching as Sam began to clean up.

"Sam!", she said again never reaching through.

As Sam was finished he got to the bathroom and brushed his teeth just to return to the bedroom and walking straight to his dresser.

"What are you doing? Sam we need to talk about what just happened. Sam. Hey! Look at me!", Jules tried to reach through to Sam.

"I am sorry. I didn't want to break down in front of you." Sam said his military training kicking in again. That was the way his family dealt with everything. That was the way his family wanted him to deal with everything.

"There is nothing you need to be sorry for. You hear me? Nothing!"

"I need to clear my head."

"No Sam. You need to talk to me. You can't walk away like this."

"Jules please." Sam said while avoiding to look into her eyes and starting to get into his running clothes.

"What do you think you are doing? You are not allowed to take a run with all your injuries."

"I will be careful."

"You can't be careful. You are strictly not allowed." Jules demanded but Sam was already walking past her.

"Samuel Braddock I am pregnant with your kid. Should I keep sitting here hoping that you will come back safely again? Is this what you want?"

Sam turned around slowly looking at the small but also visible belly. He had put his Jules and the little popcorn through so much and he knew that he had to take care about them but right now he needed to clear his head. He needed to feel alive. He needed to feel the physical pain.

"I will be careful. Please Jules don't be mad.", Sam bagged and Jules could see the lost look in his eyes. She had seen it before on the rooftop after Sam had shot the pregnant woman.

Without any more words spoken Sam stormed down the stairs while Jules dropped to the bed, crying silently. Sam needed help and she was completely helpless.

….to be continued!


	12. Hurt of the future

Again THANK YOU for your comments. Hope you will leave me a review for the new chapter. This is chapter 12! ENJOY!

**Chapter 12 – Hurt of the futher**

Sam didn't stopped running until he felt like someone was standing on his chest. He tried to get some air into his burning lungs. He knew that he had overdone himself. He knew that Jules was about to kill him and he knew there was no way that he could manage to get home on his own. He dropped onto a porch and tried again to inhale deeply while getting his phone out.

"Sam!" Jules said immediately.

"I am sorry. Can you please…." Sam gasped "Can you please give me a lift?"

"Where are you?"

"Sussex Avenue."

"I am on my way."

Sam waited patiently until he could see the Jeep approach around the corner. Without saying a word Sam got into the passenger seat. He knew that Jules was probably mad at him and he deserved it. They reached home without saying a word and Sam got to the bedroom where he tried to get undressed to hit the shower. He knew that the running trip hadn't pleased his injuries and so he couldn't help but let out a moan of pain as he tried to get out of his shirt. Jules was by his side in no second, assisting him without saying a word. She knew what Sam had done to himself.

"Thanks." Sam whispered while Jules was facing him with her big hazel eyes.

"Should I call you in sick today?"

"No. I am okay."

"You are not okay Sam. You broke down just an hour ago and now you are completely exhausted and hurting. You can't go out there in this shape and you completely know what I am talking about." Sam turned around as he could see the tears building in Jules eyes. He was the reason she was crying.

Again.

"I'm sorry."

"Sam you don't need to be sorry you have done nothing wrong, you just need to deal with what's going on."

"I can't!"

"But you have to and I am here for you. We will get you help, I promise. We can call Doctor Luria at anytime you know that. She would stop by immediately if I call her."

"You don't get it Jules. I can't talk to Dr. Luria. I can't talk about it at all. I don't know what happened tonight. I got it under control, I just need to go out there and do my job."

"No Sam you got nothing under control. Tonight you just lost it completely. You suffer terrible nightmares every night. The only time I have ever seen you peaceful in all this years we have spent together was as you where laying in an inducted coma."

Sam still had his back towards Jules. He couldn't face her right now.

"Sam you need help. If not for you or for the two of us than for popcorn. I need you in this, your baby needs you!" Jukes could see that she had pinched a nerve as Sam was slowly shivering under her words. He turned around slowly and Jules could see the tears in his eyes.

"I am not ready to become a father. The baby deserves better, you deserve better."

"Stop talking like that!" Jules interrupted him harshly getting in front of him with two steps. Sam slowly turned his head to the side but Jules got to her tiptoes and put her hands onto Sam's cheeks.

"Look at me Sam. Look at me! I love you. You are the greatest boyfriend, fiancée, husband and daddy to be I could ever imagine. You are not perfect neither am I but together we make a hell of a team and you know that! I can't imagine anybody else in my big picture than you. I love you Sam." Jules said while Sam was trying desperately to fight back the tears.

"Thank you."

"For what? For being honest to you? I know that you didn't get much love in your life but you have to stop thinking that you are not worth it to be loved." Jules said kissing Sam gently. They stood there for a few more minutes before Jules could feel Sam shiver slightly.

"You are cold. Take a hot shower. I will set up breakfast and than we will figure something out."

Jules waited patiently for Sam to get to the kitchen. He looked a lot better with some colour from the hot water left on his cheeks.

"I really want to get to work today. I need to work Jules. I need to clear my head."

"But work isn't clearing your head. What if you have to take the Sierra shot again? It is just putting more pressure on your shoulders."

"Jules please. I will not call in sick today." Sam made his statement while Jules got her hands up in defeat.

"I don't think Serge or Ed will be pleased to see you in this shape."

"I will handle it."

Jules knew that she had to let Sam go. Fighting against him wouldn't bring any result other than Sam feeling even worse than he already did.

"Be careful. Please. We need you." Sam nodded starring blankly at the toast in front of him. "Do you want something else for breakfast?"

"I am not hungry."

"You need to at least try and eat something. Your stomach is completely empty." Jules begged but Sam just pushed the toast away. There was no way he could eat something. Not after everything he had remembered the previous night.

Jules watched him with pure concern. She needed to talk to Natalie. She knew that she had helped Sam out of this state before. Maybe she could help her understand what she could do for Sam. How she could help him.

Sam had just managed to put out his shirt as the guys entered the locker room.

"Samtastic! Ready to hit the road?" Spike asked watching Sam struggle to put on his gear.

He made eye contact with Ed before stepping in and helping Sam to put on his body amour.

"You're alright?" Spike asked full of concern.

"Yeah. I think the shot got me in some trouble yesterday."

"Did you get yourself checked out?"

"Nah, it's not that bad." Ed could tell by one look into Sam's face that something was wrong. "Sam I don't think that….."

"Team One hot call!" Winnie ended their conversation abruptly.

"Damn it. What is it these days?" Spike asked exchanging a quick nod with Sam. He knew that the two of them would be paired again and with his nod he had shown Sam that he trusted him. Completely.

The call wasn't an easy one. The Sergeant negotiated one hour after another. As they finally ended it peacefully Sam was amazed that it was already noon. He felt exhausted even though he had just sat beside Spike in the truck feeding the Boss with background information's.

"Hungry?" Spike asked as Sam's stomach growled out loudly.

"Yeah I think so. Got some energy bars in my locker."

"I am afraid we won't return to your locker that soon Sam. Winnie patched another call through. We may have a robbery in progress.", the Boss started while Sam rolled his eyes. He was tired, exhausted and hungry.

"Spike, Lea I need you to cover the Boss during negotiation Raf back entrance. I will get to a Sierra position. Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you hold your MP5?"

"Of course."

"Front entrance."

"Copy that." Sam said as he got out of the truck right after Spike. During this call it was Ed who ended it with a perfect shot. Sam was close to the subject and watched helplessly and frustrated as the lifeless body of the woman crushed to the ground. Great. Two casualties in two days. SIU would be very pleased with their actions. The only thing Sam was completely glad about was lowering his gun. His upper body was screaming in protest which had caused the weapon to shake slightly in his hands.

As Sam got home Jules was already waiting in the kitchen. The smell of pasta was filling the air.

"Hey. How was your day?" Jules asked but got all her answers out of Sam's face.

"Come on get yourself comfortable, I made your favourite pasta."  
"I'm not hungry:"

"No Sam. You haven't eaten probably in days, you have thrown up all that little that was left in your stomach, you really need to at least try and eat a bit."

Sam watched her with a blank expression on his face while he was still standing in the middle of the living room.

"Come on, get comfortable, the pasta is getting cold." Jules cheered him up again while Sam slowly climbed the stairs to their bedroom. As he got to the bathroom he searched for painkillers but was only greeted by an empty space. They didn't have much medication stored in their house but painkillers had always been in this space.

"Jules?", Sam asked while walking into the kitchen again.

"Yeah?"

"Do you know where the painkillers are? I couldn't find them."

"I know." Jules said and faced Sam's confused look.

"I moved them."

"Why?"

"Sam I am just….scared." Jules said while Sam widened his eyes as the meaning and Jules actions mixed together in his mind.

"Scared of what? Of me killing myself?"

"I am sorry."

"How could you ever think about anything like that?" Sam asked loudly and Jules could see that he was hurt but she….she was just afraid.

….to be continued!


	13. In the line of fire

Hey everyone. I am so sorry that I can't write anything long before starting to post the chapter, I really have no time left but wanted to update for you guys.

Hope you had a beautiful Christmas. I wish you all a HAPPY NEW YEAR and hope that we will "hear" from each other during this or any other story. :o)

Have fun with the new chapter and PLEASE leave a comment to keep me writing with passion :o)

**Chapter 13 – The line of fire**

"Are you in pain again?" Jules tried to skip the subject.

"Otherwise I wouldn't have asked for pain killers." Sam just said and turned around to head upstairs while Jules put her fork back onto the table. She got two pills out of the cabinet and brought them upstairs. Sam was sitting on his side of the bed looking out of the window and into the darkness silently.

"I really need you to eat something before taking the painkillers." Jules said in a silent voice afraid to push the subject any further.

"I am not hungry. Save the painkillers I will get through it without them." Sam just answered, not turning around a second.

"We are not going to end this day like that!" Jules said frustrated and got into a position right in front of the window so Sam was facing her.

"I made Pasta and I want you to join me downstairs. I don't know what you went through today, so yes maybe you don't feel like eating but I do, okay? We do! I've been standing in this kitchen for at least one hour to get us a nice dinner. Popcorn and I are hungry like hell so please I really want to eat now." Jules pointed out clearly while Sam was looking straight at the little belly which had grown a little. He placed his right hand softly onto it and exhaled deeply.

"I am sorry."

"I know. Come on, let's get downstairs. I'm really starving."

Jules, who had already set the plates with the pasta onto the table before, started to eat immediately. All her hope that Sam would at least try and eat something was destroyed as she could see the look on his face.  
If she had been worried before she was even more worried now. She knew that he could spend days without eating. His training with Special Forces made him able to but Jules was worried nonetheless.

As she awoke in the middle of the night Sam's bedside was empty as usual. Jules could hear the TV downstairs. Another night without sleep. Jules got up as usual to set up Sam's breakfast like she always did.  
Sam was dozing on the couch and Jules let out a sigh as she awoke him.

"Hey.", she greeted him with a smile.

"Good morning you two.", Sam said kissing Jules belly lightly before kissing her.

"Another night without sleep?" Jules asked but Sam just shrugged and went upstairs to get ready.

"Sam I need you to eat something." Jules begged him again, and again with no success. "Promise me to be careful."

"I'm always careful.", Sam admitted before kissing Jules goodbye.

"Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't forget your doctors appointment today."

"That's today?"

"Yes at 4 o'clock. I will be at the station at 3.30."

"Copy that." Sam added before hopping into his car and driving off to work.

"Okay folks. We are going on patrol today, should show the public our presence.", Serge announced as they all met in the briefing room.

"Great.", Spike said smirking and clapping Sam's back as Ed announced them being paired up again.

Spike peeked over at Sam on their completely silent ride through the streets of the city. Sam hadn't spoken a word and due to his mood Spike knew that it was better for him to stay in silence. He knew better than disturb one of the Braddock siblings in such a mood.  
Spike turned his head around as he recognised that Sam had fallen asleep right next to him and felt glad that Sam wasn't with Ed or Serge. He wouldn't say a thing about it and even if everybody on the team knew that Sam was not back to 100 percent Spike knew that he was miserable. He hadn't talked to Natalie or Jules about it, still trying to figure out on his own what was going on with his team mate, with his brother in law and best friend.

Spike thought back to the moment where Jules and he had announced that they where expecting a baby. Sam was so happy and enthusiastic in this moment. He had this special glow in his baby blue eyes and this unbelievable smile on his face. Nothing of that was left, not even a tiny spot. To him Sam seemed to be completely depressed, still pretty much beaten up and hurting. He knew that the rest of the team must have recognized this too but to his surprise nobody was talking to Sam about it.

He didn't know what plan Ed or the Serge had in mind, he just knew that Sam's state couldn't be missed by them.

"Team One we got a hot call." Winnie announced and Spike shook Sam a bit while he looked at him in blank shock. Spike just pointed at the headset while Sam could hear Winnie telling the team about a robbery in midtown. A guy was on the run.

"We are just two blocks away. Heading there.", Spike said while Sam flipped the lights and siren on.

"Got visual." Sam announced as he could see the guy. Spike got the car to an abrupt hold while he and Sam hopped out of the SUV in no second.

"On pursuit.", Sam breathed into the comm. link ignoring the pain in his chest and the empty feeling in his stomach. He could see sparks flying in front of his eyes but he continued to run. There was no time for his blood pressure right now.

"Gun!" he heard Spike yell and was overwhelmed by the sudden impact that forced him to the ground.

Sam yelled out in pain while he realized that Spike had pushed him to the ground. The SUV with Ed and Serge had appeared at the other end of the street and Ed jumped out of the car and onto the subject.  
"Sam?" Spike asked while sitting back up. He looked down to Sam who was trying to catch his breath back and get the pain under control again.

"What the hell?", Sam asked struggling to move his aching body to his back.

"Did you get hit?", Spike asked franticly turning Sam's body around to make sure he had pushed Sam out of the line in time.

"Sam, Spike status!" Serge got through the headset while running over to them.

"I'm good." Spike answered while Sam still tried to understand what had just happened. He hadn't seen a gun. He hadn't seen anything. He had just been concentrated on running without flipping over.

"Talk to me Sam!" Spike said searching Sam's vest.

"I'm good." Sam answered while returning Spikes worried stare.

"You sure about that?", Serge asked while kneeling down beside him. Sam nodded firmly. He wouldn't show weakness again but slowly realized that he needed help to get back into a sitting position.

"Can we get this damn thing off of me?", Sam asked while beginning to rip off his vest that was putting even more pressure on his chest that now felt like it was on fire. Serge stepped in immediately helping Sam to pull off his vest.

"Sam you're good?" Ed asked stuck at the car where he had just taken the robber into custody.

"No harm." Sam answered still sitting on the floor unsure how his blood pressure would deal with getting up right now.

"What the hell just happened? Since when don't we get at least or sidearm ready when the guy is obviously armed?" Ed asked angrily.

"And since when do we just keep running and wait till a team mate gets us out of the line. You need to explain that Sam!" Ed continued while Sam just looked up at Spike. He truly had saved his ass but Sam knew that he had to answer Ed what had just happened. The whole procedure was far behind protocol.

"I am interested in hearing that too Eddy but right now I think Sam has got enough to deal with." Greg got his team leader back in line. He knew that Ed was angry and frustrated about the move of his team and sure enough he was frustrated too but he could see that Sam was struggling enough right now.  
"Come on. Let's drop the subject to the local police and head back to debrief." Greg said stretching out a hand to help Sam up. He knew that Sam had to be in trouble because he was still sitting on the ground. It wasn't likely for the ex JTF 2.

Sam accepted the help of his Sergeant but had to recognise that his blood pressure was failing him completely. The lack of sleep and eating, the demons he was fighting against, the sorrow about not being a good father, the pain of his still injured chest, all these things together caused Sam to wince in pain loudly before he could feel his own legs buckling.

"Serge.", he managed to crack out while Greg gripped at Sam even tighter slowly recognising that his officer was drifting into unconsciousness.

"Sam!" Greg called out unable to hold Sam upright. For the second time in a day Sam's body crashed to the ground.

"Sam!", Greg continued while dropping to the ground as well.

"Sam!" It was Spike.

Sam got back out of the black hole he just slipped into as he could feel his body crashing to the ground again.  
The first thing he saw was the shocked expression on his Sergeants face. He had never seen this look on Greg's face before.

"I'm good." Sam managed to say quickly as he got aware of what had just happened. He had to get himself together right here and right now. The last thing he needed was his Sergeant calling for EMS. He knew that he wouldn't get the green light to work the next shift and not working was one thing Sam Braddock couldn't even imagine in his worst nightmares at the moment.

"What's going on? Talk to me!" Ed begged while Greg studied Sam's face.

"You need me to call EMS Sam?"

"No Sir, I'm good." Sam convinced while starting a new turn to get to his feet again. This time it was Greg on his right side and Spike on his left assisting him.

Greg let go off Sam's arm while Spike hold tightly onto his friend and team mate.

"You're good?" he asked again before he released Sam after a confirming nod.  
Sam got to their car on his own and took a seat on the passenger site while Spike collected Sam's vest and got to the car as well.

"Thanks." Sam said as Spike got into the drivers seat.

"What for?"

"You saved my ass out there."

"Don't ever and I mean EVER get yourself in a situation like that again. I was with you when you got shot, I really can't imagine putting Natalie and Jules through this again, you hear me?" Spike said and Sam could hear that he was angry, angry and frustrated about his performance. Sam felt bad immediately.

The pressure on his shoulders was getting heavier. Just like Jules had said before.

The ride to the HQ was spent in silence. Sam struggled with the pain he was in and was completely aware of the looks Spike was giving him during the whole ride. He didn't ask if Sam was alright, he knew on his own that he wasn't.

"I think we should get you to an ER to get yourself checked out. I gave you quite a blow and you crashed to the pavement really hard."

"I'm good Spike."

"No you are not!" Spike yelled at him while he crashed his right hand frustrated into the stirring wheel. Sam looked at him surprised by the sudden outburst.

"Do you really think that anyone believes these words? You look like hell, you walk around like a zombie. I think you didn't get to sleep properly in days. You ran straight into a gun. You fainted. You are hurting like hell. God damn it Sam you are as far away from okay as you can be!" Spike continued and Sam could hear his disappointment. He knew that as a friend and as a team mate Spike was frustrated about the fact that Sam was playing a role and that he refused to talk about it.  
Sam remained silent.

What was left to say?

….to be continued!


	14. Truth and Consequences

**Hey everyone!**

First of all I am amazed by so many favorites and followers right now. Still I would love to get more reviews...yeah yeah I am addicted to them ;o)

**I would like to thank the readers leaving a review, as always it means a lot to me. Have fun reading the new chapter.**

**Are you ready for emotional Sam starting in the next chapter...;o)**

**Chapter 14 – Truth and Consequences**

As Sam and Spike entered the HQ Leah and Raf where already there and Sam could feel their burning look. Spike got right to Winnies desk and asked her for the first aid kid. He had a scratch on his right arm Sam hadn't recognized before. It must have happened as he had tackled him to the ground.

It didn't take Ed and Greg long until they entered HQ as well.

"Sam briefing room now!" Ed said marching right into the room. Sam exhaled deeply. He wasn't up for the lecture but followed quietly.

"Look I'm sorry okay. I was in pursuit I hadn't recognized he got a gun. I thought we…." "Sam we said it clearly. He had just emerged from a robbery. What do you think he used to rob the store?" Ed interrupted him harshly.

"Yeah."

"Sam you are second team leader on this team. You have never done something that stupid before so what the hell was going through your mind? Wasn't it enough for you to catch five bullets into your vest just a few weeks ago or is this the point we are dealing with?" Ed continued.

"I don't know what you are talking about."

"You got shot Sam, even if it was just in your vest. You haven't talked to anybody about your feelings after that. You haven't dealt with anything that had happened. I know that you where badly shaken after you had to take the shot to bring the pregnant woman down." Greg continued in a calm voice. Sam looked away immediately trying his very best to not let the image hit him again. He sill saw her, every night.

"I am alright. I suffered quite more in Afghanistan."

"Right and you haven't talked about that either, haven't you?"

"No I don't need to talk about it. I am not suffering PTSD:"

"Maybe you haven't when you got back from Afghanistan but what about now?" Greg asked while Sam shook his head violently a frustrated smile on his face.

"I don't have PTSD."

Jules got into the barn a puzzled look on her face as she spotted Spike, Leah, Raf and Winnie standing near the briefing room. She immediately recognized that Spikes face was full of concern.

"Hey Jules." Winnie said friendly as she got a visual of their visitor.

"Hey. Where's Sam? He has an appointment today." Jules followed Spikes look spotting Sam on a chair in the briefing room, Ed and the Serge talking to him.

"Is everything okay?"

"Not quite." Raf answered looking at Spike.

"Will anyone fill me in please?"

"I think Sam will do that if he get's out of there alive." Spike answered while Jules looked towards the briefing room again.

"Spike?" Jules asked and looked at her friend begging him to tell her what was going on.

"Is he in trouble? Did anything happen?" Jules asked while Spike exhaled deeply.

"We got in some kind of…situation."

"What are you talking about? Spike….just…please!"

"Sam did something really stupid today. If I hadn't pushed him out of the line in time he would have cached a bullet again."

"What? What the hell are you talking about Spike? Is he alright?"

"No Jules he is not alright and I am pretty sure you know that. He screwed up big time today. Running after a potentially armed subject without even grabbing for his sidearm. The guy had a gun. I pushed Sam out of the line just in time. The freaking bastard fired."

"What?" Jules asked again getting pale.

"But…but he is okay right?"

"No that's the second part of the deal. Since a few days he is in trouble with his pain. I had to push him out of the line I couldn't pay attention of his injuries. I don't know what happened but he was in a great amount of pain afterwards and he…he fainted."

"What?" Jules asked not believing her ears. She got a hand on her belly while Winnie got a hand on her back.

"You want to sit down?" she asked signalising Spike with a look that he should stop talking. "No….no I'm good." Jules answered while looking into the briefing room again.

"Ed and the Serge wouldn't pull Sam through that if he was hurt."

"Only if he constantly admits that he was alright."

"I get it." Jules answered.

"Jules really you need to talk to him." Spike said while Jules was looking back at him angrily. "What the hell do you think I am trying? You don't have the slightest idea what's going on at the moment." Jules shot back full of anger causing Spike to put up his hands up in defeat.

Jules head shot up as the doors of the briefing room opened. Sam was completely pale but his face was blank, no emotions visible.

"You understand me?" Ed asked while Sam just nodded.

"I said it right?"

"Yeah I heard you saying it. Oh Jules great you are here maybe you can help me out getting the point right."

"Ed leave her out of it." Sam said turning around.

"I already know everything, Spike just filled me in."

"Great. Get him to a damn hospital. I don't want to see him here for at least a week."

"We have an appointment at the doctors right now." Jules said after looking at her watch.

"I will give them a call that we are running late." Jules continued while watching Sam disappear into the locker room. Jules brushed her hair back while calling the doctor. It was just too much what Spike had just told her.

„Sam? Are you ready?" Jules asked into the dressing room waiting for a response. As she didn't get one Jules entered, Sam nowhere to be found. She continued her search in the shower which was also empty. After waiting patiently for a few more minutes Jules entered the men's bathroom just to hear Sam throwing up heavily.

"Sam?" Jules asked worried.

"I'm good."

"Doesn't sound like that."

"Just...I will be ready in a minute." Sam said while Jules waited for him in the locker room.

As Sam got there Jules could see that he was as pale as a ghost and he was still dressed in his uniform.

"We need to hurry. I could just skip the doctors appointment an hour.", Jules said while watching as Sam made his way to his locker painfully slow.

"Sam?", Jules asked worried as Sam slowly set down onto the perch.

"I'm in trouble Jules."

"I know you are."

"I don't mean here. I mean physically."

"What?"

"My ribs are killing me."

"That's why we are heading to the doctor."

"I think I need to see an emerge." Sam pointed out while Jules widened her eyes. Sam never showed any weakness when it came to being hurt. It wasn't a good sign when he pointed out on his own that he needed help.  
"Sam what is going on?"

"I don't know. Hurts like hell."

"Ribs or sternum?"

"Ribs."

"Can you breath properly?" Jules asked. Since the time in the hospital she knew that this was Sam's point of weakness.

"No."

"Come on." Jules said offering Sam a hand to get up from the perch. He made his way up slowly crying out in pain while Jules wrapped her arms around him to get him upright.

"Damn it." Sam cursed trying to catch his breathing. He had gone through Afganistan, thorough every torture the special forces training had brought him trough, he had been walking around with a bullet in his leg while he was in Afghanistan but he wasn't able to breath normally when it came to the ribs and the sternum. How his father would talk about him if he knew something like this. Sam could hear him laughing in his mind. Telling him that he was a great failure.

"Should I get on of the guys? Sam I don't need you to pass out on me." Jules said while Sam sat back down on the perch.

"Ed would be fine."

"We can also call EMS."

"No Jules not because of the damn ribs. I just need a hand to the car and a few good pills against the pain." Jules nodded slowly while heading towards the briefing room.

"Ed I need your help."

"Everything okay with Sam?" Serge asked immediately.

"No. I think he fractured his ribs again. I really need you to help me get him to the car." Jules said while looking to Ed who was on his feet in no time following closely towards the locker room. "Sam?" He asked his voice full of concern.

"Just the ribs. No need to worry. Nothing a good pain medication can't stop." Sam explained while Ed looked at him with a hard expression on his face but his eyes soft and full of concern.

"Okay. We will get you to the car." Ed said while helping Sam to his feet slowly stopping as Sam gasped in pain.

"You sure about that?" Sam nodded while Ed brought him to the car. Jules following close after.

At the hospital it took Sam some time to get out of the car and into the ER. Due to his uniform he got to an examination room right after getting inside the building.  
"So the good news is that you didn't break your ribs you just banged them up pretty badly. Due to the injuries you have suffered it is normal that you feel an intense pain in this area. I will give you something for the pain. You will have to stay off duty for at least two weeks."

"Thank you Doc." Sam said before getting up with Jules help.

"Constable there is something else I am quite worried about.", the young male doctor said while Sam looked at him.

"Your blood pressure is really low. Do you know any reasons for this?"

"No." Sam said while he could feel Jules burning gaze on his face.

"He isn't sleeping well and I can't remember any food staying down in his stomach for at least a few days." Jules said while Sam was looking at her hurt that she just told the doctor the truth.  
"You can't take the pain medication without eating properly." The doctor pointed out while Sam nodded slowly.

"I know. I promise that I will eat." Jules watched Sam sceptically. She knew that Sam would try it but she also knew that in his current condition he wouldn't be able to do so.

Without speaking a word Jules and Sam got back home where Sam made his way upstairs. He just needed to rest. As Sam had promised he tried to eat at least half of the foot Jules had brought upstairs.  
Sam just swallowed the pain medication as the doorbell rang. Jules looked at him in surprise before looking at the clock. It was already near midnight.

"Wait up here. I will check." Sam said while Jules shook her head.

"I will check on my own."

"Jules it's late."

"Sam I am an SRU officer, remember that? And even with being pregnant I am more capable to kick someone than you are in your current condition right now." Jules said while heading downstairs Sam listening carefully and closing his eyes as he heard Natalie's voice. A lecture of his sister was one of the last things he needed right now.

….to be continued!

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	15. Falling Apart

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THANK YOU SO MUCH for all of the reviews. I am so happy and excited. I really hope you like the next chapter and let me know what you are thinking. Have fun!

DARK AND ANGSTY...

**Chapter 15 – Falling apart**

"Sam?" Natalie asked softly as she entered the bedroom worried blue eyes meeting Sam's.  
"Spike just told me what had happened. You weren't answering your phone and I got worried. What about the ribs?"

"Nothing broken, just banged up." Sam answered while Natalie sat down on his bedside studying his face.

"Spike told me everything about today and about the days before. You are not good Sammy."

"Skip the lecture Nat, I will be fine soon."

"I am not here to give you a lecture. You have a great fiancee for things like that. I am here because I am worried about you Sam. Something is really off and I want to know what's going on. I know that you are miserable since shooting this pregnant woman. I don't know what happened up there. Maybe it was the date when it happened. Maybe it was the fact that Jules is pregnant. I don't know what happened Sam but I want to know from you what's going on."

"Nothing Nat. Just have a few things to deal with at the moment."

"And how are you dealing with them? Are you talking to Jules, to anyone?" Sam just stared back at Natalie who exhaled heavily.

"Spike told me you fainted today. When was the last time you kept your food down?"

"Natalie I am okay."

"When?"

As Sam didn't answer Natalie took his hand into hers carefully.

"We have been at this point Sam. You remember that? I know what is going on with you."

"I don't want you all to worry. I am okay and I will be just fine."

"I don't trust this words and you know that."

"Nat I told you to skip the lecture."

"Does Jules know about your health problems?"

"Nat!"

"I will talk to her."

"No!"

"Sam she is your fiancee and she is worried sick."

"Leave her out of it. I am okay and I don't need her to worry even more. She is pregnant. She needs to rest. I will be okay. I am dealing with it okay?"

"No you are not. You are running away. You are a million miles away from dealing with it. You where at the ER today. Did you tell the doctor that you can't keep your food down. Did he run some test?"

"Natalie it's nothing."

"Right. Nothing like all those years ago. I will talk to her."

"I'm begging you to leave Jules out of it. I don't want her to worry even more. Will you get me the pills I took before?"

"No way Sam. You need to let yourself get checked out. Did you already throw up blood?"

"No!"

"Than don't wait until it happens. Let's see a doctor and get it under control again."

"I promise you that I will try when you promise to leave Jules out of it."

"One week Sam. You have one week to get it back under control. But we are not done with your health problems. They are just an outcome of everything else. You thought about seeing Dr. Luria?" "I don't need to see Dr. Luria."

"One week Sam." Natalie said before getting up again leaving her brother alone.

She knew that he would need help.

Again.

Sam awoke in the middle of the night due to the fact that the pregnant woman had met him again in his dream. His ribs send a burning sensation through his body leaving him to wince silently while getting out of the bed. He made his way to the bathroom recognizing that lost and empty eyes where staring back at him from the mirror. Sam flushed a hand full of cold water over his face before sitting down on the bathing tube. His body was aching and he felt so terribly exhausted. He needed rest and sleep and all he could get was all the images hunting him.  
"Sam?" It was Jules silent and soft voice that brought him back from his thoughts. He didn't know how long he had been sitting there the only thing he recognized was that he was freezing pretty badly. He hadn't recognized this before.  
"Hey. Is everything alright?" Sam asked while watching his pregnant fiancee leaning against the door frame.

"I just asked myself when the last time was where I awoke right next to you and not your empty bedside." Jules said while Sam got to his feet slowly.  
"Come on. Maybe you can get back to sleep."

"I am heading for the kitchen. I'm starving." Jules said while Sam had to smile.

"It's 3 o'clock in the morning Jules."

"Oh tell this to little one." Sam smiled while following Jules downstairs watching with disbelieve as she started eating.

"That is far away from normal." Sam pointed out as Jules was getting another piece of cake out of the fridge.

"Tell me about it. You want some? It's fabulous. Natalie dropped it off."

"Natalie? My sister Natalie? Where did she buy it?"

"Sam she made it on her own."

"There is now way!"

"She told me that you loved this kind of chocolate cake. It's the one your mother always made when you where kids." Jules explained while getting a plate out of the cabinet for Sam. To her surprise Sam really got a piece of cake out of the fridge.

As he tasted it Jules recognized immediately that he got totally wrapped up in thoughts. His whole body language changed and he was completely absent within a second. Sam hadn't eaten this cake since Amy's last birthday. It had been the last time they had ever celebrated anything with the family. Memories of his little sister blowing out her birthday candles snapped up in his mind leaving Sam to moan out from the pain he was feeling deep inside his soul.

"Sam?" Jules asked surprised about his reaction. His face was expressing the pain - his whole body was. Jules got to his side in no second speaking to him again. Sam snapped out of his memory as soon as he felt Jules hand on his shoulder causing him to relax. He looked up at her his eyes expressing pure horror. He had never snapped out of the real world like that before when he was awake. Normally it all happened in his dreams. Seeing Amy and getting this securely hidden image of her on her last birthday back in his mind while he was fully awake made Sam feel dizzy and lost. He had buried every feeling, every image, every memory from her so deep down inside of him that he had always been sure to never remember it again.

"Talk to me Sam!", Jules begged and Sam could tell by the sound of her voice that it hadn't been the first time he had asked him to talk to her.  
"I'm good, just dizzy." Sam answered while Jules was inspecting his face.

"Is it the pain?" She asked and Sam was beyond relieved that she gave him a chance to escape the reality. He couldn't tell her what really just happened.

"Yeah." He lied. Indeed the pain was big but nothing to the pain he had just felt.  
"The doctor said you can take up to six pain killers a day but only if you are eating properly. Maybe you can finish the cake?"

"No!" Sam said way to quickly.

"Okay." Jules stepped back while Sam got up as well. He knew what he had promised Natalie. The last thing he just needed was that Natalie told Jules about his health problems many many years ago. He was fine now and there was no need to be worried. He just needed to clear his head a bit and then he would be able to eat normally.

"I can't stand chocolate cake in the middle of the night. Maybe I will get an energy bar." Sam said while Jules handed him one out of the storage. As Sam finished eating he was clearly in trouble to keep the foot down but tried his very best to not let Jules recognize. Jules handed him two pills before they got upstairs again. Sam knew that he wouldn't be able to sleep but for Jules he would at least try it. He hadn't overheard how big her wish was to wake up next to him so he would stay in bed. If he could make Jules happy with this he would do it.

Sam looked at his watch on the next day. He couldn't believe how slowly the minutes where passing by. He hadn't slept the rest of the night and after Jules was finally awake he had eaten at least a bit of breakfast before settling down on the couch waiting desperately for this day to come to an end. He was still pretty much shaken by all of his memories about Amy's last birthday. He had never suffered flashbacks during the day and was praying that it would never happen again.

He couldn't have been more wrong.

"Sam! Sam open up! Sam! Come on Sam! Talk to me. Open up or I will break the door. Sam!" It was Jules screaming and pleading outside the bathroom door that got Sam back to reality.

He had been on his way to the shower and now he found himself sitting in the completely empty bathing tube, naked, shivering and freezing. He couldn't even remember if he went for a shower. His body was still dry or was it dry again? He didn't know how long he had spent in the bathroom. Jules words sank into him slowly. She was willing to break the door and Sam knew that she was perfectly capable of doing so. He knew that he had to answer but he was way to disorientated to do so.  
The last thing he could remember was a loud noise. He remembered dropping his shower creme. And then he had been back in Afghanistan back in the camp with Matt by his side. They had been walking towards the shower in the camp and he had dropped his shower creme. The attack had caught them off guard. Just in the second Sam had reached for his shower creme a large explosion had thrown him and Matt backwards. He could remember crashing into something warm. As he had realized minutes after it had been the body of his friend Andrew. He hadn't made it. Matt had helped him up to his feet and Sam could remember every detail, every word they had spoken. He could remember how awkward he felt because instead of holding his gun he still had the shower creme solid in his hands. He never made it to the shower before all hell break loose. They where under attack and Sam didn't even get a scratch while many of his friends had fallen in the only place they had felt a little save at.

It was like a mirror of how his live went. He never got hurt badly. He never suffered threatening injuries. He was just the one killing people and watch people around him die while he walked away with only a scratch. Everyone around him had died and some of them due to his fault. Amy, the boy, the pregnant woman. Jules as she got hit by a bullet because he had let her down. He hadn't protected her.

"I am coming in now!" He heard Jules scream before he managed to get his voice back.

"I'm good."

"Oh thank god. Sam open up on me now!"

Sam had trouble to get out of the tube and didn't really trust his legs but managed at least to open the door and save his fiancee and unborn baby from being hurt.

Jules watched him with eyes full of concern as Sam stood there shaking violently looking completely lost and disorientated.

Again.  
"What happened?" she asked worried. This time Sam didn't have an answer. He just stared back at Jules who grabbed a towel and wrapped it around Sam's naked and freezing body.  
"I...I don't know." He said truthfully while excepting the warms of the towel and Jules arms around him.  
Jules bit on her lip as she tried to figure out what had just happened. Sam had been inside the bathroom for at least an hour before she wondered if he was okay. As she didn't get a response she was worried immediately. Seeing him now lost and disorientated made her feel even more worried even if she constantly kept thinking that it wasn't possible to be more worried.  
"What did you do inside the bathroom?" Jules tried to reconstruct the events of the last hour.

"I went for a shower."

"An hour? Sam you are freezing and there was no water flooding as I got upstairs."

"I...I don't know." Sam stumbled while he staggered a bit.

"Come on let's get you dressed and warm." Jules said while guiding Sam to the bedroom. Now there was no doubt that Sam needed help immediately. Jules knew that she would call the team or Natalie as soon as Sam had settled down.

….to be continued! :o)

Leave a review? I would love to read what you are thinking!


	16. Health

Hello everyone!

I would like to thank you so so much! When you get the story's sorted by "followers" guess what made it to the 3rd place? YES! What hurts in the past hurts in the future!  
Thank you so much for this! As a German writer it's a honor for me that you accept this story even with grammar mistakes and what else comes with the foreign language.  
THANK YOU!

So now here is the new chapter. It's not as long as the others but I wanted to end it with an evil cliffhanger...I know...don't punish me to hard for it. :o)  
The story takes a little twist now. I planed this the whole time but I think it comes quite surprisingly now. Hope you will like it. Can't wait to read what you are thinking!

Have fun!

Chapter 16 – Health

Sam was far away from being okay as Jules got him to the bedroom. She helped him sit down before she got his sweater and helped him put it on. Sam didn't even say a word as she got socks on his feet and helped him into his trousers.  
"Sam have you thrown up the energy bar?" Jules asked while Sam looked at her with his lost eyes, feeling sorry immediately as he nodded slowly.  
"I think it is a reaction to the pills." Jules said while Sam just kept silent. It would be better for everyone if this was what Jules believed and what he could try to believe on his own.

"I'm tired." Sam mumbled while Jules helped him to lay back in his bed.

"Sleep it out Sam. I will call the doctor to ask if the medication could cause the disorientation." Jules said as she recognized that Sam had drifted off to sleep leaving her surprised. She placed a silent kiss on his forehead praying that the doctor would agree with her theory.

As Sam awoke he was covered in sweat but felt way better than before. Jules was sitting in the chair opposite from his bedside watching him silently.

"Hey." Sam said smiling a little.

"I talked to the doctor. He told me to watch you closely because the pills can cause hallucinations. It's a reaction to the pills you took Sam. He said I should let you sleep and bring you to the hospital afterwards." Jules explained.

"I don't need to go to the hospital. I feel better."

"When was the last time you where able to keep some food down?" Jules asked causing Sam to just look at here.

"I found this." Jules continued and held up a towel with blood on it.

"I know every part of your body and I damn sure know that you weren't bleeding anywhere so don't just try and lie to me. Where is this blood coming from?" Sam exhaled deeply.

"I don't want you to worry."

"Worry about what Sam? I am worried sick!"

"I had some issues a long time ago."

"Issues?"

"Health issues."

"Sam what are you talking about?"

"I got a stomach ulcer many years ago."

"What?"

"I was treated because of it. There was nothing to worry about. I got pills and it got away."

"And what about now? Have you seen a doctor?" Jules asked.

"No."

"Sam I can't believe this! Is it fun for you to risk your life? God damn it I am pregnant Sam. I need you!" Jules screamed at him while Sam could feel the tears building in his eyes. He had done this to Jules.

Again.

"You are already throwing up blood. Do you think that's a good sign? What did you think as you saw this?" Jules asked showing Sam the bloodied towel again.

"Did you think it will go away if you ignore it long enough? Get yourself dressed! We are going to the hospital. Now Sam!" Jules continued before leaving Sam behind.

As he got downstairs Jules opened the door watching as Sam had to grab the handle of the stairs to keep himself upright. He was clearly dizzy. Jules just wrapped her arm around his waist to support him, not saying a single word. As the got to he examination room Jules started without leaving Sam a change to say a thing.

"My fiancee is in some great trouble keeping food down in his stomach. He got a stomach ulcer years ago and is already throwing up blood." Jules explained. The doctor began asking some questions before nodding slowly.

"Mister Braddock we need to get you to a gastroscopy to see what is going on in your stomach."

"I know." Sam said silently.

"Due to the fact that your condition is lasting for so long and you are already throwing up blood I don't want to waste time. We will set the appointment for tomorrow morning at 8 o'clock." Sam nodded wincing as he tried to sit up again.

"Are you in pain?"

"Yeah fractured my ribs and sternum a few weeks ago and banged my ribs up again. Due to the fact that I can't keep food down I can't take any pain medications."

"How is your pain level from 1 to 10?"

"9." Sam said causing Jules to frown. She had been so angry on him that she had completely forgot about his ribs.

"I would like to keep you here. We can give you something for the pain so you are a little more relaxed before we get you to the gastroscopy tomorrow."

"It would be the best Sam." Jules said before Sam exhaled deeply.

"I will stay." He said surprising Jules. She had already prepared herself to fight against him. "Alright. We will get everything ready. You can stay here. A nurse is coming to bring you to your room soon." Sam nodded before laying back down.

"I'm sorry."

"You can be sorry for not telling me earlier but not for staying in the hospital." Jules pointed.

"Jules I need you to keep quite about all of this. Not a single word to the guys."

"Sam what are you talking about?"

"Just think about it Jules. A stomach ulcer. The only reason I am with SRU now is the fact that my former doctor was a friend of the family so there isn't a single word in my medical file."

"But it got away due to medication."

"That's right it did but now it's there again and it could affect my performance on the job."

"I won't talk to anyone." Jules said while stroking Sam's cheek lightly.

"Thank you."

"But you have to promise me to talk to me. Every step of the way."

"I promise."

"Does Natalie now about it?"

"Yeah."

"Should I call her?"

"No. I don't want anyone to worry for no reason. They will get the gastroscopy done tomorrow and hook me to medications and then I should be fine within no time."

"Have you thought about the other possibility?"

"What other possibility?"

"It could be cancer Sam." Jules whispered her eyes already filling with tears.

"Hey stop it! Stop thinking like that. I got it before. It is nothing serious I promise. Hey!" Sam said before brushing a tear off of Jules face.

"Don't cry and stop worrying so much. Think about the little one. Everything is going to be just fine."

"What happened today...do you think it was caused by the medication?" Jules asked getting Sam to exhale.

"No."

"Will you tell me what happened?"

"Soon."

"Mister Braddock." A nurse interrupted their conversation.

"We got a room ready for you. Will you please follow me."

Jules got to the hospital early in the morning just to find Sam fast asleep in his bed. The nurse had told her that Sam would get something to relax before they took him to gastroscopy.  
The next thing Sam remembered was waking up while Jules was sitting beside his bedside holding his hand into hers.

"Hey. Welcome back in the land of the living." She said smiling at him.

"What time is it?"

"It's already noon. You had some great medications." Jules explained.

"They already did the gastroscopy?"

"Yes."

"I agree. Wonderful medication." Sam smirked before drifting into a light sleep again.

The next thing that awoke him was the doctor entering the room.

"Mister Braddock. How are you doing?"

"Pretty much out of it." Sam answered.

"Yeah. Patients keep telling me that we have some great stuff here."

"True."

"I just wanted to fill you in. I am sorry but we found a stomach ulcer."

"I already thought so."

"We started with the medication right after we brought you back to your room. We are running some tests and get you the results by tomorrow. Is the pain medication okay or do you feel any pain?"

"No nothing. Just perfect."

"Good. Keep resting."

Sam turned his head to the side where Jules was stretching herself a little.

"Please head home. You heard the doctor. I am alright. Get yourself and little one some rest." Sam begged causing Jules to stand up slowly.

"You sure about that?"

"Absolutely."

"See you tomorrow. I love you."

"I love you too. And stop worrying."

"I am trying."

On the next day Jules just walked into Sam's room as the doctor entered too.

"Mister Braddock I am here to talk to you about the test results." The doctor started while Jules took Sam's hand into hers squeezing it tightly.  
"It's going to be okay." she whispered before looking back at the doctor.

….to be continued! :o)

I am so exited to hear if you liked the twist in the story. Hope to hear from you. So please leave a review.


	17. Answers

I can't believe it! 2. position in order of followers. Only one more and booooooooom this story will be on top. Guys I can't say it often enough THANK YOU! This story is so special thanks to all of you! YOU ALL ARE THE BEST!

So here we go...it's Chapter 17 already...UNBELIEVABLE!

Hit the button and tell me what you think :o)

**Chapter 17 – Answers **

"I can tell you the good news that it is not cancer." The doctor said while Sam had to try his very best to keep the tears back from falling. He had been so worried on his own. Jules had already started to cry. He had recognized that she looked tired, her eyes where bloodshot even if she had tried her best to cover it.

"You will have to take the medication but I am pretty sure that it should go away if you keep resting. No stress for at least a month! I would like to keep you here for one more day."

"Thank you doctor."

"You are welcome."  
"Good I was so worried." Jules said before kissing Sam passionately.

"Yeah can't tell anything else on my own."

As Jules walked out of Sam's room in the evening she stopped in her movement as she heard a really well known voice calling her name.

"Ed." She said while turning around, doing her very best to keep her face straight.

"What are you doing here?" Ed asked watching her closely. He could see her bloodshot eyes too. "Oh I just...I visited a...a neighbor." Jules tried her best to lie - falling badly.

"What about you?"

"Clark is here. Did a stunt with his bike but it's just a broken arm."

"Kids."

"Yeah. Hey, how is Sam doing?"

"He is alright. Resting."

"And he is not the reason why you are here. Why you are looking like hell?"

"No." Jules said way to quickly.

"So when I enter this room I won't find Sam laying in a hospital bed, right?" Ed said making a move towards the room and entering it without any time for Jules to explain what was going on.

"Sammo?" Ed asked not to surprised that he was right.

"Ed?" Sam asked back puzzled watching Jules with a questioning look.

"What the hell is going on here? It's clearly not your neighbor Jules!" Ed pointed out while taking in Sam's miserable image.

"Are you okay Sam?"

"Wouldn't be in a hospital if I could tell that right?"

"Right. I would like to hear what's going on here. You look like hell."

"Got in some trouble with the pain. Again."

"And that's why you are here?"

"Unfortunately yes." Sam pointed to the IV.

"Got hooked to pain medication. Banged my ribs up again but you already now that part."

"I'm not believing a single word!" Ed said and Sam could tell by the sound of his voice that he was serious.

"You know I can get access to your medical file." Ed continued.

"Ed please don't." Sam begged.

"You can have it the hard way if you want to."

"Ed stop okay? You have no idea what we have been trough. Sam needs rest. Maybe we can discuss this later." Jules interrupted.

"I would love to but I am not going anywhere before you guys tell me what the hell is going on here. I am done being patient with you Sam and you know that."

"I have a stomach ulcer." Sam said getting Ed to look at him shocked.

"You...what? Sam!"

"I got a gastroscopy yesterday. Doctor just told us that it's not cancer. I am on medication now and it should disappear."

"I can't believe this. Why didn't you guys give us a call? We would have been here for you." "Because I was afraid that it would affect my qualification for SRU."

"I am more worried about your psychological problems than about your health problems. And I figure that this is all caused by the demons in your head."

"I am good Ed."

"No you are not. In the briefing room we talked clearly about everything Sam. Have you talked to Dr. Luria by now?"

"I was kinda busy." Sam answered sarcastically showing Ed his arm with the IV again.

"Jules make sure that he is talking to Dr. Luria soon."

"I will but first of all I will make sure that he stops vomiting himself to dead if that's okay for you." "Don't get me wrong here but you need to get everything back in line Sam. We can't get you back on the job like this."

"I know Ed. I am trying."

"I talked to Greg about everything during the last days. We are really thinking that you are suffering PTSD."

"Oh come on Ed!"

"It all started right after you shot this pregnant woman Sam. After that you got shot on your own." "I was protecting an innocent kid Ed. You would have done the same."

"Yeah maybe I would but in fact you are losing it more and more Sam. Running into the line of fire and nearly getting shot again. I could continue and you know that."

Sam tried his best to swallow the nausea. He knew that he had to keep calm and he tried his best but with Ed getting all images back into his head Sam couldn't stand the urge to get everything out of his stomach any longer. He reached for the bowl that was placed beside his bed and started to throw up heavily while everything that got out of his system was blood.

"Oh my god!" Jules screamed in horror pushing the button to get a doctor.

"You are done here Ed?" Jules asked before supporting Sam and trying her best to calm him down and keep him breathing regularly.

Ed and Jules where ordered to wait in front of Sam's room during the time the doctor was examinating Sam.

"Look Jules I am sorry. I really am."

"I know." Jules said looking at Ed. He was clearly giving himself a hard time. She knew him well enough to know that his temper had controlled him during his speech with Sam. As soon as Ed was emotional involved all his knowledge about talking to people and taking care flooded overboard. And Jules could tell that Ed cared deeply for Sam since the moment where Sam had told him honestly what had happened back in Afghanistan. Even sharing his spot as a team leader with Sam hadn't bothered Ed. It was just a normal routine and the two of them where getting along great. Jules knew that Ed often was like the father Sam never had and for Ed Sam was the brother he had never found in Roy.

"I can assure you that Mister Braddock is alright." The doctor said as soon as he stepped out of Sam's room.

"During the gastroscopy we had to cut a piece out of the ulcer to get it tested. It's normal procedure and due to the fact that Mister Braddock's system is pretty much wounded it is not irregular that he vomited up the blood. What I am more worried about is that he had to vomit. He won't tell me what had happened but I hope I made sure that Mister Braddock needs rest. Please head home now. We will call you if anything changes." The doctor explained strongly.

"Can I say a quick goodbye?" Jules asked.

"No. We gave Mister Braddock something to rest. He is asleep now." Jules nodded before leaving the hospital with Ed by his side.

"Do you need a lift?"

"No. My car is right over there."

"Jules look...I am sorry. Please tell Sam that I am sorry okay? Despite that it changes nothing on what I said."

"Ed I know that he needs help. I am trying."

"I know you are." Ed answered before giving Jules a firm hug.

"Please let me know if I can do anything for you."

"Will you tell the rest of the team?"

"I will talk to Greg and we will damn sure watch Sam closely when he returns but I can guarantee that we won't let it sink into his medical file for now."

"Thanks Ed."

"You keep me posted."

"I will." Jules said before heading towards her jeep. She could feel the tears burning in her eyes again. She couldn't wait to get Sam back home tomorrow.

On the next day Sam had already packed his stuff as Jules entered his room.

"Hey. Please tell me a nurses helped you to pack your stuff."

"Nah, wasn't that much."

"How are you feeling? You got me quite worried yesterday. The doctor hadn't allowed me to say goodbye. In fact I wasn't even allowed to get near to your room." Jules said lightening the mood a little.

"They gave me something of their miracle stuff again. I was out of it just seconds after. Great great stuff."

"Yeah don't get used to it."  
"I will try. Hey Jules, did Ed say anything?  
"Yeah. I should tell you that he is sorry and he assured me that he will only talk to Greg about what had happened. They won't let it sink into your medical file."

"Oh thank god."

"Come on let's head home. I don't want to be here longer as necessary."

"Don't tell me." Sam agreed reaching for his bag as well as Jules.

"Don't even think about it."

"Jules you are pregnant."

"And still more capable of lifting your bag than you are Braddock. You are a mess!"

"Yeah thanks you remind me of that. Pretty kind of you."

"See? Come on."

Jules watched Sam closely on their ride home. He was quite talkative today and clearly in a good mood.

"As you were out after surgery I got a few instructions from the nurse and the doctor."

"About what?"

"About cooking for you during the next weeks."

"Really? You haven't told me."

"Wasn't important."

"Hopefully I will be able to keep it down. I lost quite a few pounds."

"I already recognized that. We will try our very best right?"

"As usual."

"Sam we need to make an agreement."

"About?"

"I would like to give you a few more days to rest and recover but I want you to call Dr. Luria today and make an appointment."

"I will."

"Really?" Jules asked surprised. She had made her plan to fight Sam. Actually she had spent her morning fishing for pros and contras that she could present Sam in their fight.

"I promised right?"

"Right." Jules said watching him with concern.

"And you are sure about it?" Jules continued.

"Jules I don't have PTSD and if Ed and Greg need Dr. Luria to prove it I will make this appointment."

"I think they also want you to talk to Dr. Luria about what is going on with you."

"I will."

"Okay." Jules said sceptically.

She was afraid of what was going to happen.

….to be continued! :o)


End file.
